In the news:

COVINGTON, La. (AP) — R.J. Richard says he doesn’t normally put his cell phone in his chest pocket. But he says it saved his life the one time he did.

The 68-year-old man from Covington, La., was mowing the lawn on his 5-acre property when a stray bullet from nearby woods struck that cell phone. He figured a rock kicked up by his tractor hit him. That is, until he took out the phone and a .45-caliber bullet fell from its case.

Richard told The Times-Picayune of New Orleans he doesn’t think it was a coincidence, either.

“I look at this as God telling me to put my cell phone in that pocket, and I’m grateful and humbled,” he said.

He may not think it’s a coincidence, but with so many people getting shot, it’d be unusual if someone didn’t escape once in a while.

But why give the credit to a god? That’s who allowed someone to shoot him in the first place. You could use this story as evidence of a perfectly evil god. “God tried to make someone kill me, but I managed to thwart his malevolent intentions with my phone.”

Meanwhile, God’s been killing people left and right. We can’t hear their stories about how God didn’t save them because they’re no longer around to tell us. We only hear from the survivors.