Since I’ve already come out as an atheist to my family members, you wouldn’t think the contents of Good Reason would be much of a surprise to them. However, at least one has reacted with dismay as the extent of my rejection of theism has become apparent.
So this is an open thread where family members who have recently found the blog can chat, discuss, fulminate, or cajole. Other readers are also invited to share their experiences (from either side) of family and faith or non-faith.
I’ll start.
When people identify closely with a religion that emphasises family, the rejection of the shared values of the religion seems to entail a rejection of family. Allow me to assure you that this is not the case. I love you guys, and I’m grateful to have the family I do. My decision to follow the evidence instead of feelings has not been an easy one. However, as I’ve come to understand the frailty of human perception and the workings of reason, I’m convinced that the evidence as we have it points overwhelmingly to a lack of gods. I’m aware that this view has caused some pain to my Mormon family members, who view religion as the way to return to God and live together as a family forever. But I’m confident in saying that, on the pain scale, no one has been more affected than myself, as I have abandoned a belief system that I had faithfully followed and invested heavily in all my life. At the same time, being an ethical atheist is a noble thing, and part of a long and honourable tradition. I can explain things I couldn’t before. The candle of reason is small, but it shines brightly, and illuminates warmly.
Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings by clicking on the ‘number of comments’ link.
2 March 2007 at 4:44 am
Telling your religious family about it and not coming out as the evil sinner who rejected faith and all morality… I guess that may well be the hardest part of becoming an atheist.
I tried once with my mother and my sister, but it wasn’t very successful. I don’t feel like trying again any time soon…
2 March 2007 at 10:47 am
Classic observation. Convincing your family you’re Not Evil is part of it. Of course, the risk of trying Not to Seem Evil is in trying too hard and seeming shifty.
I’m sorry it didn’t go so well, emanuel. Maybe by continuing Not Being Evil, they’ll see you’re normal someday.
5 March 2007 at 5:55 pm
One thing that I have found is that we can all only do the best we can. I know that by trying to be the best person I can and by being true to myself I will in the end make my family proud.
While we may disagree on many things something my parents and I agree on is that trying to become a better person everyday and trying to make this a better world by “losing yourself in the service of others.”, is a good way to live your life. I’d rather spend my energies on that than in lying to myself and others about how I feel about religion.
6 March 2007 at 2:42 am
Jason asked for a response, and here it is.
I understand that you think I’m doing the wrong thing by ceasing to believe in God. I think I’m doing the right thing. And I will never apologise or feel guilty for stating the facts as they demonstrably are.
I am not a liar. A liar is someone who says what they believe to be false, and that’s not me. When, in the past, I said that I believed in God and religion, I really did. I no longer do because I now have a higher standard of evidence — a standard you would do well to emulate.
Think I’m wrong? That’s great! I’ll thank you for showing me where. But you need to use facts. Not feelings, experiences, or wishful thinking (though they’re interesting), but solid empirical evidence.
Your comment was motivated by concern, I know. But it also contained many claims (e.g. ‘Jesus sits at the right hand of God’), and I challenge you to support them. And if you can’t, then maybe you should cool it on the invective and moral certainty and admit that your belief system, though strongly held, is not really defensible.
I do care about you very much, and I’m sure all this is difficult to accept, especially if you once looked up to me. When I was younger, I came to believe that people who disassociated with the Church were either weak and didn’t have what it took to stay active, or were actively evil. Well, how could they not be? They were fighting, to my view, the embodiment of God’s Kingdom on Earth. Being on the other side of that has changed my view. I wouldn’t have gone through this process if it weren’t manifestly clear to me that the claims made by the Church (and in fact all religions) were either not supported by evidence, or counterfactual. Religions are human systems, which isn’t to say that they’re all bad. But they claim to be divine, and I’m not willing to live my life in such self-deception.