Youngest Boy noticed the toothpaste. “Why does it say ‘Maximum Cavity Protection’? You don’t want to protect cavities!”

He was right. Cavity protection would be a bad thing. You’d want tooth protection. But then it’s not hard to find other examples of bizarro usage in English.

Fred: Hey, Ned.
Ned: Morning, Fred.
Fred: How are the piles?
Ned: They’re doing fine.
Fred: Good to hear. I’ve been taking this natural medicine called “Loose Bowels”. And I’m taking this other stuff that’s supposed to be good for colds.
Ned: How’s your aunt’s cancer?
Fred: It’s doing better.
Ned: They can do amazing things these days.
Fred: I know. I hear they’re making new drugs that will help AIDS.

Linguistically, it makes sense. We use guesses about the desires of other people to arrive at an interpretation for an utterance. We know that people don’t normally want illness to thrive, so we pick an interpretation that jibes with that knowledge, even when the wording is quite the opposite.

Occasionally it makes you think, though.