Emails I get

Here’s an email from a well-meaning relative. Sorry about the caps; they’re in the original. At least it wasn’t in PowerPoint this time.

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:

H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It’s the Love of God that will put you over the top!

Well, there you have it, proof positive.

So I decided to try it myself.

WATCH TV = 97%

Well, shoot. Watching TV’s almost as good as hard work, and easier besides. It’s a mathematical certainty!

VEGETARIAN = 102%

Wow, who would have thought that being veg would take you 1 percent farther than the love of God? Truly amazing.

TURN GAY = 106%

Better still! Give it all you’ve got.

Which is better, church or museum?

CHURCH = 61%
MUSEUM = 92%

Neither puts you over the line, but ‘museum’ plus ‘gift shop’ would probably do it.

And if you encode

I DON’T ACCEPT THE EXISTENCE OF ANY SUPERNATURAL BEINGS WHATSOEVER

you get 666… percent.

Uh-oh.