Meet Frank Luntz.

You may not know Frank Luntz, but his work forms part of your mind.

You know how everyone gets so upset about ‘global warming’, but not so much about ‘climate change’? That phrase is Luntz’s handiwork.

Or have you ever had an immediate visceral reaction to the screaming meat of a ‘partial-birth abortion’? Luntz again.

His grubby fingerprints are all over the political discourse. Do you think he ever feels bad about using his linguistic gift for evil and not for good? Well, he’s hacked up a sort of non-apology in the pages of Time. Check out this lede:

In 1994, pollster Frank Luntz helped congressional Republicans sweep into power. Now he says the G.O.P. has become everything it once swore to destroy.

Having aided and abetted the most damaging administration of the last two centuries, it now seems a little late to be hairshirting. But better late than never. Let’s hear what he’s got to say.

What went wrong? Why do Democrats finally appear to be heading toward electoral success and Republicans back into the political wilderness? In a word, fatigue. Americans are tired of the war, tired of watching illegal aliens race across our unguarded borders, tired of high energy costs, tired of wasteful Washington spending, and tired of story after story of political corruption and misbehavior.

Ooo, this sounds good. I love a good redemption story. But wait! the guy’s a linguist, and therefore not one to underestimate. He may just be getting our trust so he can sneak in his poison. Warily we continue:

The leaders of the Republican Party in 1994 were bold, passionate visionaries with the courage to go to the people with a clearly defined agenda. Issues and principles drove them. Today, their agenda stretches no further than the next election. The same people who were elected on a platform of change have become the establishment bulls who fight change today. The 1994 Republicans advocated balanced budgets. Today, they defend deficits. The 1994 Republicans wanted to eliminate government programs. Today, they propose and create them. The 1994 Republicans held themselves and Congress to a higher ethical standard. Today, they seem more interested in protecting their jobs than protecting the people they serve. They came to change Washington. Washington won.

Um, wait a minute. Isn’t this some of that good old anti-Washington crap we’ve heard from the Republicans for years? Pity those good souls — they just wanted to make a difference in the world! And what did Washington do? It destroyed those noble-hearted boys! (Sniff) I’m sorry. I’ll continue.

It is therefore not surprising that in a recent national poll we conducted, 10% of the electorate that traditionally votes Republican, won’t. This time, these Republican leaners (disproportionately older women) will split their tickets. For while Republicans are frustrated with their party, they’re not happy with the Democratic alternative, either.It is therefore not surprising that in a recent national poll we conducted, 10% of the electorate that traditionally votes Republican, won’t. This time, these Republican leaners (disproportionately older women) will split their tickets. For while Republicans are frustrated with their party, they’re not happy with the Democratic alternative, either.

Interesting, but I’m waiting for the exact moment that he tries to stick in the knife.

And make no mistake — the Democrats are no better.

There it is! Thanks for playing — you spotted the real point of the article: ‘They’re all a bunch of no-gooders.’ Which is secretly what inattentive voters think anyway. Why not vote Republican — it doesn’t make any difference anyway.

They have launched a hundred criticisms but offer no meaningful solutions.

Fred: I’ve got an idea. Let’s start wars, destroy the government, enslave humankind, and take all the money for ourselves!

Ned: What are you, a psychopath? That’s a terrible idea.

Fred: All you do is criticise my ideas. You never come up with any of your own.

When you’re the minority party, and the other party locks you out of negotiations, there’s no point in coming up with ‘meaningful solutions’.

They rebuffed efforts to introduce a party platform because they felt they could gain more seats by attacking Republicans rather than explaining what they believe.

See above.

And on and on. This is not a confessional. It’s a fake retreat. Now you see his game.

Meet the real Frank Luntz. Linguist. Republican. Asshole.