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Friday Random Five: The first time I heard…

Praise You by Fatboy Slim
Album: You’ve Come a Long Way, Baby
Just think, all the time Norman Cook was playing bass in the Housemartins, Fatboy Slim was lurking in his head. And the first time I heard ‘Rockafeller Skank’, I couldn’t decide whether it was the worst thing I’d ever heard or the best. A listen to the whole disc didn’t help. It was a badly-scratched library copy, and it kept skipping and repeating. Took me five minutes to figure it out.
However, you can’t help but enjoy the funky bass line, the bongos, and the oddly manipulated vocal on this track. Not to mention that the video features some of the best public dorky dancing ever committed to film. Who could dislike such an offering? The elderly and humourless, that’s who. Tell them I said that.

Pretty Good Year by Tori Amos
Album: Under the Pink
I first saw Tori Amos on Letterman doing “Crucify”. I thought, “Hmm, a new wave of Kate Bush’s musical heirs.” I’m not a huge fan of Tori’s bombastic keyboarding. Do I find such passion offputting?

Under the Cap by The Golden Palominos
Album: The Golden Palominos
Jeff got me into this one. I think his dad walked into Mirage Records in Spokane with no idea which record to get him for a present, and Brent Beever the Record Store Guy suggested this one. And what a fantastic choice. This is the first Golden Palominos record, pre-Michael Stipe. The personnel list reads like a Who’s Who of the Celluloid label. Arto Lindsay, Anton Fier, Bill Laswell, John Zorn; they’re all here, and they’re doing amazing and strange things with bird calls, proto-drum and bass, and improvised lyrics and howls. Find this and listen. You’ll be annoyed or inspired, but it says more about you than about the record.

Okinawa Song – Chin nuku Juishi by Ryuichi Sakamoto
Album: Neo Geo
A song (possibly a folk song) that combines unison female vocals with industrial noises and heavy rhythm. I don’t know why, but when I hear it, I immediately think of this still from “Red Detachment of Women“.

Getting Away with It (Raindance Mix) by Electronic
Album: Art of Mix Volume 4
So there I was doing homework one night in 1990, and this song was on MTV. “Dang,” I thought, because I wasn’t in a swearing stage, “this song sounds like the Pet Shop Boys.” Only to look up and find Neil Tennant’s face floating across the screen. Aha, I’d found the new supergroup. Johnny Marr from the Smiths, Bernard Sumner from New Order, and Neil from PSB. And wonderful string arrangements from Anne Dudley of the Art of Noise. Could this be the perfect band?

Disappointingly, no. My original theory was that it was too much Bernard and not enough Johnny, but then the later New Order albums sounded a lot better than any of Marr’s post-Smiths output. I honestly don’t know why the disc didn’t work. But this song does. A perfect slice of sophisticated pop. And this version from Art of Mix adds in clips from New Order songs, and the ‘beat’ vocal from PSB’s “Heart”. I respect it when a remixer drops in historically relevant samples.

Honk if you love bikinis, or just hate Muslims.

You may not have noticed when a prominent Islamic cleric proclaimed that women should cover up to avoid sexual attacks — perhaps in a burqa.

A Muslim cleric’s claim that women who do not wear the veil are like ‘uncovered meat‘ who attract sexual predators sparked outrage around Australia yesterday.

Accordingly, some Australian women decided to show the sheik what uncovered meat really looks like.

Enraged at the local mullahs’ medieval declaration that unveiled women are ‘uncovered meat,’ thousands of angry Australians will march on their mullah mosque Saturday to protest that declaration … in their bikinis.

It involves semi-nudity, and it will honk off authoritarian religious leaders… I’m for it.

Unfortunately, the Malkinistas are all over this as well, which makes me wonder if this protest is a good thing. I get the feeling these folks don’t see it as ‘human form v. oppressive ideology’; I think they see it as Australia v. Muslims. By design, it’s a very Australian light-hearted nose-thumbing, Tom Robbins-style. In practise, it could be an excuse for idiots to enjoy a protest on a mosque. Not productive. Don’t they just wreck everything?

Religion v. Ferret: Smackdown!

It seems that the LDS Church in Australia has joined the interfaith effort to control the weather using religion. PDF

The 116,000 members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are taking a unique approach to the recently declared National Day of Prayer for drought relief in Australia. They are dedicating their monthly fast, next scheduled for this Sunday 3rd December 2006, towards the effort.

Apparently, God, who controls the weather, would like to see people go hungry a bit before he looses the torrents. Quite a guy. The press release does not say whether he would like anyone to do the little dance.

Will it work? Well, if it rains somewhere in the next indefinite period, I’m sure they’ll claim a win. If it doesn’t, I’m equally sure that everyone will realise it, and say, “Well, that was ineffective!” Then they’ll give up on Christianity and become Wiccans and Scientologists. You watch.

There is ample scriptural encouragement for fasting in times of great need says the Australian Area President of the Church, Elder Paul K. Sybrowsky. He also points out references in the Old Testament where God’s people were invited to “humble themselves and pray” so that God may “heal [the] land” and once more bring rain to parched pastures (see 2 Chronicles 7:12-14; 1 Kings 8:35-36; and Leviticus 26:2-4).

Hmm, those Old Testament scriptures are looking crunchy. Let’s have a look at Chronicles:

If I shut up heaven that there be no rain, or if I command the locusts to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among my people;
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

The lesson here: If there’s a drought, it’s because you were bad. You know it’s true. Fess up! I’m sure some Australian has done something wrong.

Of course, since people have always done superstitious things to try and control the weather, it’s nice to see modern-day Christianity keeping up the atavistic tradition. The problem, though, is that it is now the year 2000-freaking-six and people should be a little better informed about things like what causes rain. I say this, knowing that if it had been a couple of years ago, I could have been right there, believing it with the best of the faithful, and not thinking too hard about it.

But now I’ve learned. And I’m doing something constructive about Australia’s drought situation. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce the Magical Wishing Ferret!


Eeep!

He’s not just cute, he’s consolation in a time of sadness. And he grants wishes. Except those relating to Photoshop skills.

And because I like a challenge, I propose an Elijah-style test. For the first week, the Mormons can do their thing: fast, pray, supplicate to their hearts’ content. Then, on the second week, it’s me and the MWF. Any rain that falls after next Sunday, you know who to thank.

UPDATE: Faith-based rain report: Tuesday. Fine and 27. God is not appeased. Keep praying. There’s an early shower due on Friday, but that’s hardly miraculous, is it? Never mind; all rainfall will be dutifully recorded.

Track the speed of a meme.

Your assignment:
Click here.
Do what it says. You’ll be helping Acephalous advance human knowledge. Somehow.

Deconversion stories: The homeo-postate

I was talking to a good believer the other day. “I had the worst allergies last week,” she said. “But then I got something at the health food store that really worked.”

Health food store?

“Yeah, it was these white pills. They really worked! I just put a few under my tongue every hour, and when I woke up the next morning, my nose was clear!”

“It wasn’t homeopathy, was it?” I asked.

“It might have been,” she said. “Yeah, I think it was.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” I said. “I have to say, though, that homeopathy isn’t what it seems. Can I tell you my experience with it?”

“Sure.” She’s patient.

You may remember that in order for me to be deconverted from my particular brand of Christianity, three conditions had to be met:

  • It became important to me that my beliefs be grounded in fact.
  • It became clear to me that my beliefs were either not supported by fact, or contradicted the facts directly.
  • I lost the fear of what might happen if the belief system were false.

My rejection of ‘alternative medicine’ and new age horsecrap ties into my emerging skepticism about religion, and falls under Point Number Two. Here’s the story.

In my undergrad days, I worked in the university library. I soon came down with terrible allergies — I think it must have been the dust. One older couple, seeing my distress, suggested I try some chalky white pills they used. I put two under my tongue and — amazingly — my symptoms stopped!

Magic! From then on I was a homeopathy believer. Harmless, natural, and not in the grip of Big Pharma. Ha! Take that, you money-grubbing traditional doctors! The fact that I never managed to replicate the amazing results of the first time didn’t faze me at all. I knew what I’d experienced.

From there, I got into other alternative therapists for my persistent acne. One was the Zinc Guy. He always prescribed the Zinc Drink to me and my friends, even though we all had different conditions. Hm.

Another was the Electric Acupuncturist. He liked to stick people with needles attached to big batteries. Not painful, but twitchy. He said that many of his patients only needed to see him once; they never came back, so he presumed he’d cured them.

Homeopathy, massage, and chiropractic all failed to clear up my very aggravating and embarrassing problem. The naturopaths were short on results, but had no shortage of explanations for the delay. For one thing, they claimed to heal the whole person from the inside out. Do you have any idea how long it takes to heal a whole person? Patience! And the practitioners were never wrong. If I showed any signs of improving, they took credit. If I got worse, it wasn’t that their methods were bogus. I was having a ‘healing crisis’. If I just kept at it, I’d be better in no time. This went on for years.

In desperation, I went to a real live dermatologist, who fixed everything with simple antibiotics in a matter of weeks. That was a pisser. I realised that I’d been had by an entire industry of quacks.

From there I read everything I could find debunking alternative medicine, homeopathy in particular. I found out that scientific studies (e.g. on PubMed) showed either negative results or weak positive results that weren’t replicable. I found that people (including me) are naturally clueless about issues of health and medicine because it’s so complex and multi-factorial, and our brains have problems reasoning under those conditions. We are especially susceptible to the placebo effect and anecdotal evidence.

Of course, just because I’d had a bad experience didn’t mean alt-med was a con job. That would just be trading one set of anecdotal evidence for another. What did matter was that naturopathy in general has not been able to establish its claims empirically.

“So,” I concluded to the believer, “when it came down to my own experience versus scientific evidence, I had to be a bit humble and accept that I’d been wrong. Which is hard to do, because we accept our experiences as fact. They’re what make up our lives! But our experiences don’t always mean what we think they mean.”

Now to the religious tie-in. My religion placed a heavy emphasis on having a personal spiritual experience with God, the Holy Ghost, what you may call it. And I have had many experiences I would describe as ‘spiritual’. Yet these fall under the heading of ‘feelings and experiences’. They may be enjoyable and personally meaningful, but they do not qualify as good evidence to establish the existence of a supreme entity or the truthfulness of a proposition.

People at church are hoping that if I pray, I’ll have some kind of spiritual experience and believe again. They miss the point. If that did happen, it would only prove that I could be swayed by bad evidence just like everyone else.

My run-in with alternative medicine helped me to realise that our feelings and experiences can be wrong. And if you use placebos, medicinal or religious, the consequence is that, unless you get better by pure chance, you just stay sick.

What I am thankful for

There’s a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, and not just the Democratic Congress.

I’m thankful that the US President has pardoned the Presidential turkey. And the backup turkey. So now everyone at the White House will be heading for a delicious vegetarian dinner complete with Tofurkey.

What? Oh.

I’m thankful that although an atheist will never be president of the USA, we’re still figuring somewhere between Mormons and Muslims.

The response to a theoretical Mormon candidate is far less negative than the response to a Muslim candidate or an atheist. Sixty-one percent (61%) of Likely Voters say they would never consider voting for a Muslim Presidential candidate. Sixty percent (60%) say the same about an atheist.

W00T! We beat Muslims by a point! We’re slightly less unpopular than a group of people that the entire US Government has spent a decade demonising! Movin’ on up, with the George Jefferson walk!

I’m thankful for the writing of Deepak Chopra. I’m serious — I really find it inspirational. Know why? Because when Chopra puts out his tendentious, poorly thought-out bullshit on the Huffington Post, instantly a thousand commenters blast him for it. And articulately so: they are able to explain exactly why he’s so full of crap. Inspirational!

I am thankful for Hamulation. Yes, that’s vegetarian soy ham log. With my famous pineapple glaze, it’s a delicious Thanksgiving traditional meal, and no one had to die.

Most of all, though, I’m thankful for the people who have loved me and added to my life. And I’m really happy to just be alive. A lot of people aren’t. And they’re missing out on the Hamulation.

Big smooches and happy Thanksgiving!

English-only makes it worse

I have just been dumped with 112 exams to mark. No, that’s the number of exams. So posting will be light.

Until then, here’s a new screed from the English-only crowd.

One nation, one language
How can we be united when we can’t communicate?

Or, how can we be friends unless I force you to speak my language?

Domestically, I weary of the hours wasted in trying to communicate with store clerks, gas station attendants, cab drivers and other citizens who do not speak English.

You spend hours trying to tell them about how they’re taking our jobs and ruining the economy, and all they do is smile and nod. You can tell they don’t understand.

I mourn for the trees consumed in printing multiple translations of U.S. documents, forms, and other publications.

Tree-hugger.

But mostly, I am frustrated by the lack of a common language to encourage interpersonal relationships with neighbors, co-workers, or even the person next to me on the bus.

He wants to start a conversation on the bus? I get that sometimes. They want to talk about the sounds in their heads. Or how wonderful English is. Anything but deodorant.

Yet, how can we be united when we can’t communicate? Communication is numero uno!

I hope he’s kidding.

English is the lingua franca of international business.

Make that the de facto lingua franca. He’s not kidding. He really has no clue.

I’m suprised he’s on the Net at all. Everyone knows it’s responsible for the downfall of the English language.

Hasta luego, mes amis.

Friday Random Five — some interesting finds

Any concerns I might have had about my collection being too mainstream have been dashed with this Random Five. It’s so chockfull of obscure goodies, you’ll think you wandered into some grotty little record store in Seattle’s U District or something. Also there’s a Segovia theme.

It’s About Time by Lemonheads
Album: The Adventure Club Sessions
This song is credited to the Lemonheads, but I think it’s actually just Evan Dando on acoustic guitar. There’s a radio station in Texas called ‘The Edge’ that used to have these great artists in (like XTC, Blur, the Lilac Time) for acoustic sessions, and this disc is a bunch of the best.

So this song is about Juliana Hatfield (and it’s in her style), for those of you who were in the precise time/space coordinates during that brief period of her celebrity. Best line: ‘Patience is like bread I say / I ran out of that yesterday.’

Hannes by Sigur Rós
Album: Hlemmur OST
I haven’t seen this movie yet. Hlemmur is a bus station in Rekjavik, and this film tracks the lives of the homeless men who live there. I find this album a little easier to listen to that the sprawling crashing epics of (). There’s a dreamy and slow-moving quality about this track, with spare piano and cello. You can almost see the dust sparkling in the empty space.

So and Slow It Grows (The Orb in Atlas Remix) by Wir
Album: So and Slow It Grows (Single)
Wir is three-quarters of Wire, a band that I enjoy but find a bit hard to take. Maybe it was the horrible breakup I was going through when I first got into Wire. Don’t do that, by the way. If you know you’re going to be unhappy, don’t start any new music. Just be unhappy in silence until you no longer feel horrible. Or maybe it’s just Wire. They seem grey and obtuse.

This remix is dancy, with Indian touches. I think I like the album version slightly more, though I can’t find it — I just remember it from radio.

Segovia: Remembranza by Wolfgang Lendle
Album: Spanish Guitar Music
I think that as a genre, Spanish guitar music might be the best music in the world to work to. It’s right on the line between unobtrusive and interesting, plus it confers an unbelievable amount of coolness to your workspace.

Andres by L7
Album: Triple J Hottest 100, Volume 2
L7 was a great idea for a band, if not a great band, just like ‘Let’s Pretend We’re Dead’ was a great idea for a song without actually being a fully-formed song. But I like ‘Andres’. Scratchy vocals.

Bonus sixth: Segovia himself comes out for an encore, since he heard us talking about him.

Tansman: Scherzino by Andrés Segovia
Album: Andrés Segovia
This was evidently recorded during the great Spanish Cholera Epidemic of ’58, judging from the tubercular sounds of the audience. It’s unbelievable how much coughing there is — it’s Segovia, people! Take a Luden. I recommend cherry.

Swearing interview

I had an interview this morning on 6PR radio in Perth. Subject: the Swearing Class! Have a listen.


(4.5 MB)

It was fun being on radio. But they cut my joke at the end! It finishes: “…you go to Heck.” Oh, well, maybe it was better that they cut it.

It’s all in how you cover the women.

From the news:

Two senior Vatican officials on Tuesday joined a growing list of European political and religious leaders expressing concern over the use of some Muslim veils by Islamic women immigrants.

What they’re not saying in the article is that they’re concerned that women who are covered up are emboldened by their anonymity, and may commit acts of terrorism.

So, in the public interest, here’s a tutorial.


This is acceptable. Not even remotely close to being a terrorist. I mean, come on.


This is the wrong way. Scary and bad. So obviously a terrorist.

The Vatican would do a lot better with me around. I’m serious.

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