Good Reason

It's okay to be wrong. It's not okay to stay wrong.

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Gift: Boards of Canada video

For Boards fans: a free download of their amazing “Dayvan Cowboy” video.

And their new EP “Trans-Canada Highway” also has its own secret unlinked-to site, where you can see another short Boards of Canada film, infused with the usual strangeness (borderline NSFW though).

Good for cancer

Youngest Boy noticed the toothpaste. “Why does it say ‘Maximum Cavity Protection’? You don’t want to protect cavities!”

He was right. Cavity protection would be a bad thing. You’d want tooth protection. But then it’s not hard to find other examples of bizarro usage in English.

Fred: Hey, Ned.
Ned: Morning, Fred.
Fred: How are the piles?
Ned: They’re doing fine.
Fred: Good to hear. I’ve been taking this natural medicine called “Loose Bowels”. And I’m taking this other stuff that’s supposed to be good for colds.
Ned: How’s your aunt’s cancer?
Fred: It’s doing better.
Ned: They can do amazing things these days.
Fred: I know. I hear they’re making new drugs that will help AIDS.

Linguistically, it makes sense. We use guesses about the desires of other people to arrive at an interpretation for an utterance. We know that people don’t normally want illness to thrive, so we pick an interpretation that jibes with that knowledge, even when the wording is quite the opposite.

Occasionally it makes you think, though.

Predictions for 2007

It seems Americans are optimistic about what’s to come in 2007, according to the latest Associated Press-AOL News Poll.

Oh, wait, no, they’re not.

That was quick! Either public opinion is more volatile than I thought, or the AP is covering its bases. Or it’s really true about glass-half-full and glass-half-empty people.

And now a quiz: What event did 25 percent of Americans think was likely to happen in the year 2007?
a) Gerald Ford will rise from the dead and form a synthesiser duo with James Brown
b) Donuts will rain from the sky, deliciously killing onlookers
c) Jesus Christ will return to earth
d) George Bush will admit he did something wrong

Oh, you guessed it. It was c).

None of these notions, in my view, is any less likely to happen than the others (except for d). Yet, all but c) would probably poll at less than one percent (counting perverse answers and Perot voters), while c) is believed by 25% of respondents. Think about that. Get four Americans in a room, and one of them thinks that Jesus is coming out of the sky this year.

Silly people! Everyone knows Jesus is coming back in the year 2437. It’ll take at least that long for the Apple sponsorship deal to come through.

Amateur Turkish butcher seeks thumb

People say to me, “I couldn’t be vegetarian. I love my meat.” (Ironic, the ‘my’.) And if I’m feeling snarky, I say, “Fine. Kill it yourself.”

That would be a courageous approach, wouldn’t it? Do the butchering yourself instead of paying someone at an abattoir to put the meat into lovely blood-free pink packages in the clean grocery store.

This news story gives us an idea of what might happen if everyone did.

In Turkey, at least 1,179 people – dubbed “amateur butchers” by the Turkish media – were treated at hospitals across the country, most suffering cuts to their hands and legs.

Four people were severely injured when they were crushed under the weight of large animals that fell on top of them, it was reported. Another person was hurt when a crane, used to lift an animal, tumbled onto him.

Three people suffered heart attacks and died while trying to restrain animals, private CNN-Turk television reported.

Stories like this leave me with the impression that we’re not really supposed to be eating meat. Doesn’t it seem like a lot of unnecessary effort? You could just have vegetables and Hamulation, and maybe some nice dinner rolls. They’re easy to prepare, and they don’t fight back.

And it’s doubly a shame because Turkish bread is among the nicest.

Biblical literalism test

How much of a biblical literalist are you? Here’s how to find out.

I’m going to give you the names of some people in the Bible, and for each of them, assign a number according to the following scheme:

0 points: This person almost certainly did not exist.
1 point: This person probably existed, but elements of their life may have been fictionalised or allegorised in the Bible.
2 points: This person existed more or less as depicted in the Bible.

Here’s the list of people.

  • Job
  • Adam/Eve
  • Moses
  • Jesus
  • Paul

Add them all up. I’d say 9+ would be pretty orthodox; you probably had doubts about Job, didn’t you? For shame.

Seven or eight, and you’re hanging in there, but I have to warn you that you’re venturing into apostasy territory. I mean, why accept Moses as a real person and not Adam and Eve? It’s all there in the book.

Anything under four, and you’re not very orthodox at all.

Admittedly, this test is best for sorting out levels of literalism at the top end.

Three more things you should buy for Christmas

This born-again Atheist would like to wish everyone in the world a happy and secular Christmas. I did everything I wanted to this year. I put up the tree, sang Bach’s Christmas Oratorio and Handel’s Messiah, had a huge Christmas luncheon, and got a hug from a boy who got a Nintendo DS for his Big Present. It was great.

But there are a few things I’m going to buy, and I think you should too.

1) A Flying Spaghetti Monster ornament for the tree. Yes, I know it’s a car decoration. Adapt it — tie some string on it or something!

2) A mosquito net. People are dying from malaria, and 10 lousy bucks could buy a net and save a life.

Hat tip to Connor.

3) I can’t think of a third thing. Help me out, people. What’s worth spending money on?

Friday Random Five on a lonely platform

Lots of eighties stuff again. But what an incredibly diverse time the eighties were, musically.

Fade to Grey by Visage
Album: Fade to Grey: The Best of Visage
This song represents all that was great and terrible about 80s new wave. Ice cold synthesizers. French vocals. Pretensious hairstyles. It’s sad that it sounds so dated now, but I still think it’s a great track.

Pictures of Matchstick Men by Camper Van Beethoven
Album: Key Lime Pie
Just a bit better than the Status Quo original, if only because of the violin. It’s strange; there’s a manic energy, but all held together by tight musicianship.

Wishing Well by Schönherz & Scott
Album: Windham Hill: The First Ten Years
An early Windham Hill offering. Faintly African percussion blend with a breezy piano line. Still good to listen to, even if much Windham Hill sounds a bit Adult Contemporary, or I could just be getting old.

I Am Stretched on Your Grave by Sinéad O’Connor
Album: I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got
Just Sinéad’s voice carrying the melody over a funky drum and bass riff. And she’s singing to her dead lover. What more could you want? Perhaps a vigourous violin solo?

“The priests and the friars approach me in dread,
Because I still love you, my love, and you’re dead.”
Imagine the wary cleric.

Eighties by Killing Joke
Album: Night Time
If the Visage tune represents the pinnacle of New Wave posturing, this song represents the pinnacle of boot-stomping guitar-driven punk (even though it’s not rough or thrashing). Both songs recall evenings of Going Out to do dangerous things. Easily the best song with ‘eighties’ in the title. Much better than Loverboy’s ‘Lady of the Eighties”.

Vista

I’ve been a hardcore Mac guy since 1984, when my dad got an early 512. No hard drive, but two floppies. In my days of moral certainty, I was a fire-breathing Mac evangelist, but I haven’t felt really partisan about the OS Wars for years. Apple is thriving, Macs run on Intel chips now, and you can run Windows programs on your Mac. There’s certainly no reason to get excited about the whole Mac/Windows issue. It’s so 1997. Use what makes you feel happy.

And yet, I never really got over the injustice of Microsoft achieving world dominance by ripping off the best of the MacOS. And so I feel irkage when I hear reports of Microsoft artlessly plundering the Mac yet again for their new Vista system.

Luckily, David Pogue (formerly of the Pogues), points out that it’s not a ripoff at all. I feel better.

Rain update: God v. Magical Wishing Ferret

Here are the preliminary results from the God/Ferret face-off, in which we ask the musical question: Which supernatural method is most likely to bring rains to a parched and thirsty land?

Week one, God

Method: Fasting and praying.
Rainfall: Piddling.

Week two, Magical Wishing Ferret

Meep!

Method: Making a wish, rubbing the spot on your monitor where his cute tummy is, giving Daniel chocolate.
Rainfall: Trifling.

It’s a wash.

But I’ve figured out why. I have had it revealed that in order for the MWF to work, you must not believe in him. Anyone exercises faith in him in the least degree, and all bets are off. Please do not believe in the Magical Wishing Ferret. You may leave expressions of your lack of faith in the MWF in comments. Thank you.

There. That ought to do something.

The Anglican schism

I’ve never been Anglican, but I notice with some interest the agonising struggles of the Episcopal Church in the USA.

Two of the most prominent and largest Episcopal parishes in Virginia voted overwhelmingly Sunday to leave The Episcopal Church and join fellow Anglican conservatives forming a rival denomination in the U.S.

Truro Church in Fairfax and The Falls Church in Falls Church plan to place themselves under the leadership of Anglican Archbishop Peter Akinola of Nigeria, who has called the growing acceptance of gay relationships a ”satanic attack” on the church.

Religious issues like this are notoriously intractable. I’d say it’s because of the non-falsifiable nature of religious belief systems. You can’t rely on observation as in the sciences; the only recourse is woefully ambiguous scripture and ‘feelings’ disguised as revelation.

There are stubborn issues that come up in the sciences, too; the nature/nurture debate and the free will/determinism debate are two that I can think of readily. And scientists do tend to split up into opposing camps over these philosophical stances. But real scientific notions are testable and falsifiable, and issues surrounding them can be settled experimentally. And scientists don’t go to war over them, or suffer the kind of schisms that the Episcopalians are undergoing.

Perhaps another reason that we see this happening over and over in religious beliefs is their non-negotiable nature. A quote from “Some Reasons Why” by Robert Ingersoll:

Whenever a man believes that he has the exact truth from God, there is in that man no spirit of compromise. He has not the modesty born of the imperfections of human nature; he has the arrogance of theological certainty and the tyranny born of ignorant assurance. Believing himself to be the slave of God, he imitates his master, and of all tyrants, the worst is a slave in power.

How could you negotiate when you think God has said ‘X’ and someone else claims she said ‘Y’? Hence the ‘satanic attack’ talk.

It’s the reason I became agnostic on the nature/nurture debate. As an atheist, I have no interest in substituting “God” in the above paragraph with “Chomsky” or anyone else. Sure, I have an opinion, but I keep reminding myself that it’s not a falsifiable area. So I try not to get too committed about it. It’s wise to hold off and say, “That’s interesting” on these unverifiable issues.

UPDATE: I’m such a naïf, I really am. Here I was assuming that this was the result of an honest but heart-wrenching struggle between good people who disagreed. It seems that six years of Bush wasn’t enough to teach me what I learned from a Morrissey lyric years ago: there are some bad people on the right. Let’s have a second read about that Nigerian archbishop who’s behind the schism.

In Virginia, the two large churches are voting on whether they want to report to the powerful archbishop of Nigeria, Peter Akinola, an outspoken opponent of homosexuality who supports legislation in his country that would make it illegal for gay men and lesbians to form organizations, read gay literature or eat together in a restaurant.

Thank the FSM he’s not in government, ahem.

And from the incomparable Digby:

[T]his highlights something that’s going on in the world of religion that I don’t think most people are aware of: the right is systematically attacking the liberal churches from within.

For instance, it so happens that the ever so mainline Episcopal church has been under assault from big money wingnuts for some time.

I recommend reading the rest.

Homosexuality is going to be more and more acceptable as time goes on. It’s going to happen, just as equal rights for people of all colours has become an ‘accepted’ (if not yet actual) cultural norm. This new conservative Episcopalian church has decided that the most important thing they could do is to fight teh Ghey, even more important than holding the church together. If that isn’t reprehensible…. As the tide of gay acceptance moves forward, liberal congregations will have less discomfort adapting, whereas these conservative ones will struggle to isolate themselves and suffer agonies of conscience before eventually changing or being swept into irrelevance. In the meantime, they’ll do real harm to people.

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