Good Reason

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A blow to the Democrats

The elections have dealt a devastating setback to Democrats as they win the House, the Senate, a majority of governorships, and Rumsfeld’s ouster. Political observers are now wondering if the Democratic Party can survive this humiliating victory. For now, jubilant conservatives are claiming a win.

“The undisputed winner of the 2006 election is marriage,” said Wendy Wright, president of Concerned Women for America (CWA).

Opponents “tried to convince citizens that these marriage amendments would take away heterosexual couples’ rights. But the word and concept are clear: marriage is the mysterious, irreplaceable relationship of a husband and wife,” she stated.

No mystery here, Wendy. Married couples are probably the only thing stopping God from destroying us all right this minute!

And let’s not forget Reagan, who led conservatism to this grand victory.

The New York Times analyzed the House races in these midterms last week, and found that the Democrats have had to find more conservative candidates in order to compete with the GOP.

It shows the success of the Reagan message, and once again underscores the profound impact he had on American politics.

And how do the nation’s conservative talking heads feel about this stunning defeat for Democrats? Rush Limbaugh says:

I feel liberated.

Probably in much the same way that Bush liberated Iraq.

The election news looks grim indeed for Democrats. Will they be able to recover from their overreach?

2006 elections

When Clinton won in 1992, I danced on the couch. The results aren’t all in yet, but at this stage it’s looking like the Democrats will take over the House and perhaps the Senate, if Virginia and Montana hold in there through the recounts and legal action.

Honestly, I won’t be happy anyway. Even if the Dems take both houses of Congress, I’d still want to see Dick Cheney perp-walked to the International Criminal Court in the Hague. And immediate impeachment proceedings. And why is it such a squeaker anyway? The most corrupt and incompetant leadership in 230 years, and Republicans manage to hang on to even one seat?

But these things take time. So for now I’ll be happy with just the House. And I’m getting my dancing shoes on.

Friday Random Five with little skill are plied.

This week I find myself listening to a lot of Karma County, a very good Australian band whose sound is earthy and heartfelt, and maybe just a little strung out. You don’t know if these are guys you’d want to play poker with, but the music they make is very soulful.

Their song ‘Postcard’ is well worth a listen. The ‘ba ba ba’ chorus stays on the same notes, even while the chord structure drops lower and lower down the scale. Very artful. Have a listen and you’ll see what I mean. Click this link, go to ‘Music’, and hit the ‘Album Preview’ button for the album that matches the picture you see here. It’s track four.

The lyrics remind me of Jeff:

God speed my friend,
be sure to think of me
when you touch down,
cast out on a different sea.

Just a postcard,
every now and then,
just to let me know
that you’re okay.

On to the random.

Music Non Stop by Kraftwerk Album: Minimum-Maximum
You know what I like about this album? Not that it’s live — Kraftwerk has never been known as radical improvisationalists. No, I just like that it exists. Kraftwerk touring? This is amazing, and I’ll tell you why.

The guys from Kraftwerk are not tremendously accessible people. The story is told of how Florian (or is it Ralf?) didn’t want to have a phone with a ringer on it in the studio. There was a procedure if you wanted to call them. You had to call at just a few seconds to noon. At precisely noon every day, Ralf (or Florian) would lift the phone to see if anyone wanted to talk. And that’s how you could phone them. So shy of the limelight were they that they found innovative ways to avoid performing, especially using robot surrogates (which suited their electronic style very well).

The other reason they never toured was because they couldn’t. It would have required inconveniently large rooms full of computer equipment to perform live. But now that computers have shrunk, they can do the whole thing on laptops. They were so far into the future that they had to wait for technology to catch up with them. And that’s the other reason I love that this album exists.

‘Music Non Stop’ was a little dull on the 1986 album Electric Café, but it’s been fine-tuned into a funky beast for the live shows.

Handel: Music for the Royal Fireworks – V Menuet I & II (Andante) by Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra; Bernard Haitink, conductor Album: Water Music & Music for the Royal Fireworks
Handel wrote some magnificent music. I like imagining this being played on a boat, floating up the Thames. As indeed it was, for King George I — hence the name.

Here’s the history:

On Wednesday 17 July 1717, in the evening, there occurred in London a royal event of great splendour. King George I and a large gathering of the English nobility boarded open barges on the river Thames at Whitehall and sailed up river to Chelsea, where they took supper. Such was the success of the evening that the party did not leave until three o’clock in the morning, the King arriving back at St James’s Palace at about half-past four. One of the river barges (according to a report in the Daily Courant of 19 July) ‘was employ’d for the Musick, wherein were 50 instruments of all sorts who play’d… the finest Symphonies, compos’d express for this Occasion, by Mr Hendel: which his Majesty liked so well, that he caus’d it to be plaid over three times in going and returning’.

Orchestra on a boat, Handel conducting. Now that was the way to ride.

Cigarettes Will Kill You by Ben Lee Album: Triple J Hottest 100, Volume 6
Always good to go back to this song. It’s not about cigarettes though — it’s more a metaphorical exploration of how we cook and eat the ones we love. Hmm.

Mayfly by Belle & Sebastian Album: If You’re Feeling Sinister
I have to say, this song would be less effective without the cheesy organ solo. Do you ever get the feeling that we just don’t deserve bands like Belle and Sebastian? They seem too sweet and pleasant to exist.

All in the Golden Afternoon by Alphaville Album: Prostitute
An album a lot of people missed, which is too bad because there are a lot of good moments on it. This is actually a setting of the Lewis Carroll poem where he describes a boat ride with the three Liddell girls who would serve as the model for Alice. It’s a lovely setting for the poem — almost more of a painting, really.

Off on another outing

I wasn’t really aware of evangelical Christian pastor Ted Haggard, apparently the leader of some Colorado giga-church with tens of thousands of followers and an advisor to G. W. Bush to boot. And an outspoken ‘defender of marriage’ (read: critic of gay marriage).

Well, he’s just quit his job amid allegations of gayness. In a really awkward way.

A few things:

1) Why do people say that gays want to destroy marriage? Some gay people are among marriage’s most passionate defenders.

2) Are there any Republican anti-gays who aren’t gay? I know I’m falling victim to the availability heuristic, but the number of outed homophobes is surprisingly high. Foley drafted laws to protect kids from the very kind of exploitation that he was perpetrating. Former Spokane mayor Jim West, notoriously anti-gay, resigned after he was found to have a thing for boys. Now when I see someone denouncing homosexuals, I wonder if I’m not looking at some kind of closet case. Because who else would care about it if they weren’t so obsessed? (As always, see Wolcott for the last word.)

3) Though it may seem unrelated, this is really bad for Republicans so close to the election. Voters are no longer surprised by hypocrisy, and this will only confirm the impression that people who tout good-old fashioned morality are getting up to something on the side. That reflects badly on Republicans, who, having tied their fortunes to the evangelical Christian vote, are now ill-equipped to disassociate themselves from the actions of prominent evangelical Christians. Plus, mass disillusionment is bad for the status quo.

4) Watch: the Right Wing will complain that lefties are anti-gay. We’re not. We’re anti-hypocrisy, like many (though not all) on the Right.

5) It’s really sad that he was living a double life for so long. It’s hard to feel happy when you’re doing something you think is wrong. Maybe now that things are in the open for Mr Haggard, he can put himself together, live the kind of life he wants, and feel like he has integrity for the first time in years.

That’s quite the stick on that figure.

The importance of knowing your typography:

School officials apologized after an X-rated font was used on a third-grade spelling packet handed out to parents. The font showed male and female stick figures in provocative poses to form the letters of the alphabet.

The font in question is, of course, the infamous GroupSex.
From the local paper:

Sources said the teacher had no idea the alphabet was offensive when she downloaded the font from the Internet. It’s unclear if any disciplinary action has been or will be taken against the teacher, who sources said has been with the district for many years.

“I definitely believe it was a mistake,” said Kelly Stegmann, Pine Tree Parent Teacher Association president. Stegmann said she received very few calls from parents about it.

Mistake? The teacher failed to notice that she was downloading and installing a font called ‘GroupSex’? And then chose it from the menu, not realising that she was choosing a font that said ‘GroupSex’? Is this like the ‘mistake’ I made when I downloaded 1,500 pictures of breasts, without realising what I was looking at?

No, if you’re going to do erotic typography, you do it properly and unapologetically. In fact, I recommend ‘Vintage Erotique‘.
Now that’s worth giving to parents.

Colonfest 2006

Each of these books is currently for sale, except one, which I just made up. Can you figure out which of the obtusely overwritten titles is fake? Click to see if you’re right. No fair if you’ve already read them.

  • The Enemy At Home: The Cultural Left and Its Responsibilty for 9/11
  • Helpless Nation: How to Defend Yourself Against the Liberal Plot to Disarm America
  • The Shadow Party: How George Soros, Hillary Clinton, and Sixties Radicals Seized Control of the Democratic Party
  • Liberal Fascism: The Totalitarian Temptation from Mussolini to Hillary Clinton
  • The Party of Death: The Democrats, the Media, the Courts, and the Disregard for Human Life
  • Bankrupt: The Intellectual and Moral Bankruptcy of Today’s Democratic Party
  • State of Emergency: The Third World Invasion and Conquest of America

Have you ever seen a more worked-up bunch of writers? And that’s tricky. Writing is so seemingly sedate. You may have seen writers’ warm-up exercises: ‘Write from the perspective of a plant’ or ‘Write whatever is in your head without stopping for five minutes’. For them it must be ‘Imagine a liberal murdering your mother with an axe’ or ‘Scream with incoherent rage for an hour’.

People on the Left are just target practice for these authors. The targets are whole groups of people: gays, liberals, democrats, liberal democrats, gays, people with dark skin, people that work in the judiciary, people from countries that aren’t America, and gays.

Liberals take potshots as well, but it’s usually at specific people and not groups. It’s always Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld — the actual people that are in charge of forming the most ruinous policies. I was unable to uncover any similar books from the Left that identify (say) ‘wingnuts’ or evangelical Christians or any other broad group of people as ‘the problem’. Oh sure, we may shake our heads in disbelief at them, but the problem is the leadership; not the people. For people like these apoplectic right-wing authors, other people are the problem.

Happy Hallowe’en

You have to realise; Hallowe’en is new in Australia, and no one knows what’s going on or how to do it properly.

Twenty years ago, a normal Trick or Treat incident would go like this:

Kid: Trick or treat!
Australian: What?
Kid: Trick or treat!
Australian: What’s that mean?
Kid: It means you’re supposed to give me candy.
Australian: Why?
Kid: It’s Hallowe’en!
Australian: Oh, okay. Well, do a trick first.
Kid: What?
Australian: You said ‘trick or treat’. Do a trick and I’ll give you a treat.
Kid: That’s not how it works! You’re supposed to give me a treat or I play a trick on you!
Australian: (utterly mystified) Are you sure you’ve got this right?
Kid: I think so.
Australian: Go on, do a trick.
Kid: Oh, all right. (Does unconvincing little dance.)
Australian: Not bad. Here’s some candy.

That’s the way it was; you had to explain the concept to every house you visited.

I still keep some Hallowe’en candy at the ready, though. If no one comes, I eat it all.

No chance of that last night, though; Hallowe’en and trick or treating are catching on. About twenty kids in costume showed up (in one big group). So I said to my two boys, “How about it?” They were in costume in seconds. Youngest boy was a Native American, and Oldest Boy was…

“What are you?” I asked. He had his hoodie on, and was wielding a hammer he found in the shed.

“I’m a hammer murderer,” he said.

“That’s awfully strange. I don’t know if that’s on the list.” I said. “But it’ll do. Let’s roll.”

And would you believe, every house we stopped at had candy. Even more unbelievably, people were dishing out candy to the boys by handfuls. Good stuff, too. None of the chalky rolls of ‘Smarties’ that I remembered from my youth; this was fun size candy bars and Easter eggs. Could it be that Australians are overdoing it because they’re new at this?

If so, we must never tell them.

We shall use my largest scales!

That’s what I said when I saw the Teacher’s scale today. It was Open Day at our school, so I poked my head into his room and saw it on display. The scale was taller than me, all wood and ropes. A few large rocks were at the side.

“It’s very impressive,” I said. “Did you build it yourself?”

“Yes, that’s right. I use it when teaching about weights and measures, levers, and so on.”

“Shouldn’t it be balancing?” I asked. Nothing was on the scale, but it was lopsided.

“Well, that’s the thing I can’t figure out,” he said. “I can attach little weights to either side to make it even, but sometimes one side will be heavier, and then in a little while the other side will. Maybe it’s evaporation or something. I don’t understand the physics of it.”

“Huh,” I said. “Maybe if the arms were longer.”

“Maybe,” he said. “Or maybe there’s an angel sitting on one side!”

“Perhaps,” I smiled, remembering that angels and fairies have a big part in the Steiner School aesthetic. Then I had a thought.

“Say,” I said, “if angels can influence the weights, they could be doing it all the time and we wouldn’t even know. So how can we ever trust the scales?”

“How do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, if I weigh two things on a scale, is one thing really heavier than the other, or is God just fiddling with my data?”

If it’s possible that there might exist a supernatural being that could influence the results of a scientific test or measurement, we could never really expect those results to be reliable. We couldn’t even do anything as simple as weigh anything. Scientific research itself would be impossible. But because scientific research is possible, such beings cannot exist.

Let’s dust off the old believer’s hat and see if it still fits. We could argue that God could intervene, but chooses not to. God works with laws of nature. In which case God is indistinguishable from the laws of nature, and our theory of the universe would lose nothing by cutting him or her out. Occam’s razor again.

This is a striking illustration of how science and spirituality the supernatural are not in harmony. They are two opposing approaches to the universe. One precludes the other.

Friday Random Five is bringing out all my neuroses.

I’m listening to the new Beck album a lot lately. The thing about this album is that the cover is graph paper, and there are stickers that you apply yourself. It’s ‘make your own album cover’. I haven’t done it yet, and I don’t really want to. Also I don’t want to examine what that might mean. Putting the stickers on is committing, and what if I get the back of the stickers all gummy with fingerprints and it doesn’t stick properly? And then it’s ruined! I think I’m just a big believer in non-destructive editing, but maybe I was one of those kids that was afraid of getting dirty. What would it mean for me to try?

In All the Wrong Places by Ulrich Schnauss Album: A Strangely Isolated Place
This is a gorgeous work of semi-ambient electronica. I say ‘semi-‘ — it’s got beats, but it’s mostly instrumental, and the production has a soft focus quality to it. A certain muffly swoosh, even though some of the details are quite crisp. You can tell it’s hard to describe. The layers of sound build into an enormous sugary wedding cake that dissolves when you touch it. It doesn’t just groove, it wobbles in that Boards of Canada way where someone’s doing something to the analogue tape.

Memories by Elvis Presley Album: Elvis 2nd to None
That’s funny. Spanish guitar usually makes things sound better. But the string arrangement goes so Mantovani on this poor sappy melody that not even Elvis’ voice can save it. There’s a fruit and veg place near my house that plays Elvis, so now when I hear Elvis, I think fruit. Or Dean Martin, which they also play. I don’t know if there’s a video to this, but I don’t want to see it. I think it would look like the stock footage from every karaoke place I’ve every been to. Even the head of Elvis is coming out to see what’s gone wrong. The severed head of Elvis, and it’s been sectioned right down the middle, right across the left eye. Ouch! What was the graphic designer thinking? Where’s the lei? It was such a motif in Elvis’ original album covers, and now it’s gone. Banished! It’s all black and bloodless, not like a real head if you hacked it in half. And then stuck a numeral 2 right in the Broca’s area.

Useless by Depeche Mode Album: Ultra
This is more like it. Ultra was a very good, somewhat overlooked album. Depeche Mode seemed deepened by their woes (rehab and lineup changes), and came out of it with a set of songs that becomes more interesting with closer listens. Listen to that guitar riff on Useless. That is a gritty riff. And the bass line slides up and down the octave in a head-nodding way. Good groove.

Crossroads by Davol Album: Mystic Waters
I wonder what Russ is doing right now. He’s the one who got me into Davol. Gave me a tape with two albums, back in the days of cassettes. And I played them over and over and then went out and bought both albums. I wonder if I’ve listened to the discs more than the tapes. I think Russ always wanted to record songs like this. He was into computers and MIDI. Funny how a song can remind you of someone. Especially a song as thoughtful as this one, like watching a river, or staring into a fire.

Hello by The Cat Empire Album: Triple J Hottest 100, Volume 11
Well, jelo, jelo. If you haven’t heard the Cat Empire’s unique brand of hyphenated Cuban ska salsa, it would probably be a good idea. You’d think you were doing something interesting, like being at a party or a concert, instead of sitting at home on the Net getting spam from someone named Tanzania Safari, like I just did. My life would be a lot more interesting with that name. Oh, Tanz, you don’t even exist, and your life is probably much more interesting than mine. Anyhow. The Cat Empire were the hot ticket a couple of years ago, though I haven’t heard anything recently. They’re probably having so much fun that I’m not even in the same universe as them. Maybe after the thesis is over, I’ll put on the dancing shoes and go find them. I’ll have to find one of those little hats first. You know the kind?

Whither the interrobang‽

Someone on the radio this morning reminded me of the interrobang, a delightful idea in typography from the 60s. The interrobang is a question mark mixed with an exclamation point, and you use it instead of typing both together. As in:

You did what‽
Rubber shirts‽
With your sister‽

The interrobang was actually available on some electric typewriters before the fickle crowd moved on to abuse apostrophes. And that’s too bad because it’s a lot nicer than a long string of characters. Bring it back, I say.

I’d also like to suggest that there’s another need for it, and that’s for the word ‘what’. You can say ‘what’ with different intonation.

Alexander Graham Bell: Mr Watson, come here. I want you.
Watson, with rising intonation: What? (meaning: I didn’t hear you)
Watson, with falling intonation: What? (meaning: What is it that you want?)

They both read the same in print, and it’s confusing. Using an interrobang for the second one could alleviate the confusion. Unless Mr Watson wanted to express indignation for what he perceived to be Mr Bell’s inappropriate suggestion.

Or the Toblerone ad campaign. Notice that the model’s ‘What?’ could be ambiguous. I certainly didn’t get it at first.

But if you make it “What‽”, it conveys the right amount of petulant defiance.

I’d love to see the interrobang come back, now that we live in the age of Unicode. And we need a sarcasm mark, too.

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