Good Reason

It's okay to be wrong. It's not okay to stay wrong.

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What is a cult?

Maybe I’m a little careful about the word ‘cult’, since my church of origin copped a lot of the cult talk. To me, the practices and doctrines of my church were normal and not cultish. Yet my dear old normal church, with its gold bible and temple ceremonies, topped the list of cults in book after book. Christianity was a Jewish cult in the early days — and I don’t mean to be pejorative when I say that it remains sort of a death cult even today, its central image a tortured man nailed to a cross.

I’m still looking for a good definition of ‘cult’. Here are the most common I’m aware of:

1. A cult is a religion that is weird.
That is, it has beliefs or practices that lie outside the mainstream. But every religion is weird to someone. This very afternoon, Youngest Boy and I saw a rather large number of Evangelical Christians singing loud songs in the city. Hands raised, and so on. Substitute “Hare Hare” etc, and it wouldn’t have sounded any different. Yet the Hare Krishnas are a cult and the Christians aren’t? for no one denounces cults like those Christians.

2. A cult is a religion that uses coercive, manipulative, or deceptive tactics to retain its membership.
Cults tend to isolate their members, get them dependent on the approval of the group, and restrict their access to family. But every religion has its bag of tricks: tell people if they don’t do what god wants, they’ll go to hell or otherwise be ineligible for heaven; use communal reinforcement to keep people tied into the values of the group; start them when they’re young and dependent. And in extreme cases, threaten apostates with ostracism.

3. A cult is a religion that focuses on adoration of an individual.
Like Jesus? Next.

4. A cult is a religion that hasn’t become well-established yet.
Getting closer. If Catholicism had a hundred followers, its followers would seem darned peculiar. Population and history have a way of lending legitimacy. But Hinduism and Buddhism, with their many millions, were considered cults when they arrived in the West.

5. A cult is a religion that we don’t like.
That’s about as close as we’re going to come.

I’ve never seen a definition for a cult that doesn’t also implicate all other religions. My religion is a religion; yours is a cult.

I’m aliiive

Sorry to abandon the site — I’ve been beset by the worst influenza strain I’ve seen since the winter of ’83. Doing better now though. I’ve tried to make it up to you by including a poll in the right sidebar.

And then this week, my mailbox coughed up a bookmark.

Dear Neighbour

This year, the members of St Luke’s Anglican Church in Maylands are praying for the welfare of our neighbourhood. This week, we have chosen the people in your street.

Please contact us with any special needs you may have.

The St Luke’s Community

Dammit, people! Cut it out! My life has sucked since you started praying for me! Don’t you know that prayer can actually increase post-operative complications? Are you trying to give me secondary pneumonia?

It’s very sweet that you’re offering to help with my ‘special needs’ (ahem), but I’m already using the Magical Wishing Ferret plus the Secret, so really I’m doing fine. Also a very kind GP is taking care of me, and I have evidence that she actually exists, kthxbai.

Brain and accent

Here’s the story: Boy has brain surgery, and comes out with a posh London accent instead of his unlistenable Northern accent.

“We noticed that he had started to elongate his vowels in words like ‘bath’ which he never did before,” said Mrs McCartney-Moore, 45, a music teacher from York.

“He no longer has short vowel sounds – they are all long. It’s bizarre.”

This is reminding me of Foreign Accent Syndrome, where someone will have (say) a stroke and come out with a new accent. Here’s the current explanation for FAS:

Now researchers at Oxford University have found that patients with “foreign accent syndrome” seem to share certain characteristics which might explain the problem.

A small number of them all had tiny areas of damage in various parts of the brain.

This might explain the combination of subtle changes to vocal features such as lengthening of syllables, altered pitch or mispronounced sounds which make a patient’s pronunciation sound similar to a foreign accent.

But for this case, the surgeon has a slightly different idea: the patient had to relearn his accent after the operation, and did so according to the people around him.

Brain surgeon Paul Eldridge, who works at the specialist Walton Neurological Centre, Liverpool, said it was possible that the infection and abscess had affected the area of the brain which controls language skills, forcing William to learn how to speak again.

“It’s as if he’s re-learnt how to talk from listening to language from sources different to those that prompted his speech first time around.”

The key here is: is he really speaking with an upper-class accent (which could have been learned from someone else), or is it just the elongated vowels that makes people think he’s talking with an upper-class accent? How long does it take to acquire an accent, anyway?

One man’s peeve is another man’s usage

I used to be a language maven before I reformed and became a linguist. Now I don’t care what anyone does, I’ll just document it. But I used to decry the incorrect usage of others.

For example, the word ‘orientate’. I used to hate it! Just say ‘orient’! You don’t need to ‘orientate’ yourself! Just orient yourself.

But now trawling through the language archives, I’ve found that some people used to do the same thing to ‘jeopardise’.

Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of English Usage, 1994, pp.570f.:

jeopardize. Richard Grant White called jeopardize “a foolish and intolerable word” in 1879, and he was not the only one who thought so. A popular view among American critics in the 19th century was that the proper verb was jeopard, an older word which, according to the OED, had fallen into disuse by the end of the 1600s.

No one complains about ‘jeopardise’ anymore. And this is how it goes in language change. Would you jeopard the future of ‘orientate’? Me neither.

Men on a mission… to thrill!

This calendar is all kinds of awesome, even though it makes me feel all funny and confused. Beefcake photos of returned LDS missionaries.


I only work out on P-day, President, honest.

Everyone seems to love juxtaposing the straight arrow image of LDS missionaries against their complete hottness. Everyone except Latter-day Saints; either they know better (many of my mission companions were intolerable; few were hott) or they place missionaries in the no-sex zone occupied (in theory) by Catholic priests.

Not that Mormonism doesn’t blur sex and spirit. Christianity is a patriarchal religion; it has a father-god, and it centers on love for Jesus. And with all that man-love going on, we shouldn’t be surprised if we find some sublimated (homo)eroticism in there somewhere.

Or not so sublimated. Here’s one t-shirt design that was popular a few years back:

And remember these? 1|2|3

But if you think this project will make people uncomfortable, imagine if a calendar came out with cheesecake photos of returned sister missionaries. What would happen? Would it go under the radar because sister missionaries are somehow less iconic to the church’s image? Or would it raise more of a fuss because they’re women?

If it hadn’t been for those meddling gods

Gods have been interfering in construction projects.

A canal in India may not go forward over protests of an unusual nature.

Hindu hardliners say the project will destroy what they say is a bridge built by [Hindu god] Ram and his army of monkeys.

Scientists and archaeologists say the Ram Setu (Lord Ram’s bridge) – or Adam’s Bridge as it is sometimes called – is a natural formation of sand and stones.

In their report submitted to the court, the government and the Archaeological Survey of India questioned the belief, saying it was solely based on the Hindu mythological epic Ramayana.

They said there was no scientific evidence to prove that the events described in Ramayana ever took place or that the characters depicted in the epic were real.

Hindu activists say the bridge was built by Lord Ram’s monkey army to travel to Sri Lanka and has religious significance.

In the last two days, the opposition Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) has launched a scathing attack on the government for questioning the “faith of the million”.

Sometimes people ask me if I ‘believe in X’, and like Carl Sagan, I wish they’d ask instead: ‘How good is the evidence for X?’ Here, the BJP is claiming that the beliefs of millions must not be questioned, but they don’t examine the evidence for the belief. Seems to me that respect for the belief should be consonant with the evidence for it.

Now I’d hate to see a natural bridge destroyed, even if some people think it was built by a mythical being and an army of monkeys. (Because that would actually be pretty cool.) In fact, I wouldn’t care to destroy an object of ‘religious significance’ to anyone because people seem to like things that make them feel spiritual, and that’s okay.

What I think is interesting about this story is that the government decided to tell people that a deity was imaginary. A very encouraging tendency, but it’s a shame that the government caved in when fundamentalists freaked out.

In a similar story, roads in Iceland are sometimes diverted or delayed because people think it will annoy elves. Seriously.

“There are all sorts of beings beneath our stones,” said Brynjolfur Snorrason, a folklorist often asked to advise contractors on how best to avoid the lairs of Iceland’s elves and other seldom-seen creatures whose presence nonetheless still seems to permeate this far northern island nation.

Highway engineers in recent years have been forced to reroute roads around supposed elf dwellings. Similarly, builders of the country’s first shopping mall took care to lay electrical cables and other underground installations well away from suspected abodes of gnomes and fairies. Couples planning a new house will sometimes hire “elf-spotters” to ensure the lot is free of spirit folk.

What do you do? Elf-spotter.

One resident reported seeing one.

Despite having seen the elf only once in 15 years – enough time to determine that she was “bigger than life and dressed like my grandmother, in a 1930’s national costume” – Ms. Hakonardottir, 67, has no doubt of her existence. “My daughter once asked me, ‘How do you know where elves live?’ ” she said. “I told her you just know. It’s just a feeling.”

And if you feel it, it must be true. Intuition over evidence. You just know.

Another resident reports:

Recently, she said, some elves borrowed her kitchen scissors, only to return them a week later to a place she had repeatedly searched. “My philosophy is, you don’t have to see everything you believe in,” she said, “because many of your greatest experiences happen with closed eyes.”

Please remember, these are real people. Who believe in elves. The evidence they accept is feelings, intuitions, and unusual occurrences. They also disdain the need for physical evidence.

But of course, no one you know would be so silly.

Alex the Gray Parrot dies

He is an ex-parrot. Sorry, couldn’t resist. I have a hard time feeling sad about this one because I have a disproportionately large sense of antipathy toward animal language projects. They attract outrageous claims that get reported uncritically by the media, and I don’t think the evidence is all there.

African Grays are clever little blighters, and Alex was the most famous. His trainer Dr Pepperdine stopped short of claiming that Alex was using human language, describing the exchanges as ‘complex two-way communication’. Evidently he was able to parrot 150 words in ways that humans found significant.

As I understand it, the work suffered from the same problems as work with apes and so forth. The animal repeats signs, and perhaps even communicates using them, but is that language use in a human sense? Not according to lingusits, who argue that language use requires an understanding of the system of language and the components that make it up. They (and I) would say that there’s nothing in the signings that would indicate that this is happening, and nothing that couldn’t be explained by the anthropomorphic fallacy and the Clever Hans effect.

So, no, I won’t be moping about tonight. But if you’re mourning the sad fate of Alex, consider the bright side. N’kisi is still alive, andhe’s psychic! Cop that, Alex!

Next question: what is the number after 14?

I am gobsmacked.

I’m watching ‘1 vs 100’ on Channel 9, and they asked the question: What is the average of these numbers: 5, 15, 10?

The guy got it right, but twenty people in the mob missed it. Twenty people. About one in five. I couldn’t believe it. Such a basic skill and such an easy question.

The next question: In palm reading, which line is meant to indicate longevity?

This time, only 4 people missed it. Everybody knew about stupid palmistry, but at math they sucked.

Science is in serious trouble. People who have televisions and cars should know how to do these things, but they don’t. And people are just going to have all the dough sucked out of their wallets until they’re able to increase their mental skills past the level of ferns. I’m sorry, but I am blown away.

Penrose Triangle

This is a drawing of a Penrose Triangle.

It’s an impossible shape — its topology is such that it can’t exist in the real world.

Except in Perth, where there is a real live Penrose Triangle. Here’s how it looks on Google Maps.

Many people drive past it every day, and no doubt they think, “What an ugly sculpture.”

But if you see it from the correct location, the legs seem to converge, forming the impossible triangle. Here’s a picture I took over the weekend.

Neat, eh.

The Wikipedia page has more information for the curious, including pictures of the shape from other angles.

Random Five is a rare one.

L-Y by Tom Lehrer
Album: Revisited [Live]
Which would you choose: reclusive-but-brilliant ex-math-professor, piano savant, and keen political satirist Tom Lehrer? Or the Electric Company, that 70s kids’ show that saw Morgan Freeman as Easy Reader and Rita Moreno as the first Latina to ever capture my nascent erotic interest?

Ahem.

Well, fortunately, you don’t have to choose; they’re both here in this song. A bright vaudeville number designed to teach kids to recognise adverbs. How would you listen to this song? Enthusiastically. Enthusiastically. Enthusiastic… L-Y.

Antistar by Massive Attack
Album: 100th Window
Mezzanine was a cold album. If this album was any warmer, it was because of the female vocalists like SInead O’Connor. This also upped the annoyingness factor, but never mind. This is the final track, a jangly edgy number that ends with ten minutes of trancy pulses. It’s not very fun, but it’s not meant to be. Suffer well.

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo by The Bloodhound Gang
Album: Triple J Hottest 100, Volume 13
This track is my reward for listening to all of the last track. Three minutes of inventive sexual euphemisms. If you ever had to sit down and make up female anatomical synonyms, would ‘ham wallet’ ever occur to you? What about the male ‘pork steeple’? Yet here they are and more. Rarely does a song fulfill the promise of its concept so thoroughly. Well done, lads.

It’s a Boy by Wire
Album: A Bell Is a Cup Until It Is Struck
I listened to this album pretty heavily during a bad breakup, so for me it became associated with an unhappy time when food had no taste and life no meaning. It didn’t help that it’s such an austere and surreal album. I’ve come around to it now. My advice, only listen to music you hate during sad times. You’ve been meaning to cultivate a distaste for Arcade Fire for a while now. Save it for when you have chemotherapy.

Stranded by Nick Duffy
Album: Hotel Angst
I really like Nick Duffy, multi-instrumental folk musician. Or I think they’re calling it ‘roots’ now. Myself, I can’t decide whether to call this music ‘bucolic’ or ‘pastoral’. Either way, it’s good, but I think if I could somehow remove the female vocal, I’d do it. His albums are available on iTunes and Wippit, by the way. Go to the Duffypedia and have a listen.

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