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Category: foolishness (page 13 of 14)

World Environment Day

5 June 2007 / / 5 Comments

In honor of World Environment Day, I’d like to invite you to tell a global warming denier to get nicked. I did recently, and it was a good experience.

This time it was the LaRouche folks, back on campus after a long hiatus. The newspaper handout said “Global Warming is a Fraud!”

Now it’s one thing to see all sides of an issue and take a critical stance on the issues of the day. It’s quite another to create doubt where none exists, which is after all the business of global warming deniers, intelligent design creationists, flat earthers, and (dare I say) holocaust deniers, all of whom refuse to accept consensus when the evidence is in.

And yes, global weather is a really complex thing. The problem with these guys is that they’re not good at complex. Have a look at the nuance these guys are capable of:

Not that I disagree with Dick Cheney as Child of Satan, but if I ever hand out something like this on street corners, please restrain me. Thank goodness for LaRouche’s tireless efforts to, er, bring Cheney down.

So when offered the newspaper, I genially invited the gentleman to shove it up his ass. His friend muttered “idiot” after me. It was the most productive conversation I’ve ever had with global warming deniers. Took less time, and had the same outcome.

Fallacy of the Day

31 May 2007 / / 7 Comments

The Fallacy of the Day comes from Sam Brownback. You may remember him — in a recent debate, he was one of three Republicans who didn’t ‘believe in evolution’. This means he’s too stupid to run for president of the USA, and America being what it is, that’s exactly what he wants to do.

Now he’s written this piece: What I Think About Evolution.

Just a note here: It matters not a jot what Mr Brownback or I or anyone else ‘thinks’ or ‘believes’ about evolution. Evolution is happening all the same, though we may need to update the theory from time to time as evidence warrants. Actually, I don’t believe in evolution either; I accept it as a more or less correct theory. But let’s put semantics and pedantics aside.

Here’s the heart of his argument:

The question of evolution goes to the heart of this issue. If belief in evolution means simply assenting to microevolution, small changes over time within a species, I am happy to say, as I have in the past, that I believe it to be true. If, on the other hand, it means assenting to an exclusively materialistic, deterministic vision of the world that holds no place for a guiding intelligence, then I reject it.
…
The most passionate advocates of evolutionary theory offer a vision of man as a kind of historical accident. That being the case, many believers — myself included — reject arguments for evolution that dismiss the possibility of divine causality.

The fallacy committed here is that of wishful thinking. Mr Brownback doesn’t like the idea that humans might have arisen through random, unguided chance, so he’s agin’ it.

Let’s inform the scientists. Everyone: the Republican from Kansas doesn’t like it. It must not be true.

Australian language policy at work

25 May 2007 / / Comments Off on Australian language policy at work

Because Australian languages aren’t disappearing quickly enough.

Indigenous Affairs Minister Mal Brough says it should be compulsory for Aboriginal children to learn English.

Mr Brough says children will not be able to get jobs if they cannot speak English and do not have a basic education, and he is considering a plan to quarantine welfare payments to ensure parents send their children to school.

Have you ever wondered why English proponents even exist, seeing as English is already pretty popular around here? So have I. Maybe it’s one of these things where you train a dog by telling it to do stuff that it’s already doing. At last, a language policy that could actually achieve its stated goals.

And it’s nice that they’re concerned about indigenous kids getting jobs. I wonder if there’s any other legislation being considered that would help them get jobs. Some kind of Affirmative Action thing. Nope, teaching them English should be enough. Problem solved.

Here’s someone who understands the problem.

New South Wales’ first Indigenous MP, Linda Burney, says Mr Brough seems to lack a fundamental understanding of Aboriginality.

“I think that he needs to understand that culture and country is incredibly important to Aboriginal people and they will be protected at all costs,” he said.

“Aboriginal kids do need to be bilingual but it’s a bit rich coming from a person who actually is part of a Government that took away funding for bilingual programs in the Northern Territory.”

Ms Burney says one of the biggest tragedies is losing traditional Aboriginal languages, a problem that is not being addressed.

She says Mr Brough’s proposal could lead to “cultural death”.

“Now, it is important to be bilingual – there’s no two ways about it – but it can’t be at the expense of your mother tongue.”

This is exactly right. Support English lessons for anyone who wants them. But don’t hasten language death by tying welfare payments to forced English lessons.

Romney v Satan: How do they stack up?

12 May 2007 / / 1 Comment

Did you know that a vote for Mitt Romney is a vote for Satan? So says prominent Christian pastor Bill Keller.

“If you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for Satan!” he writes in his daily devotional to be sent out to 2.4 million e-mail subscribers tomorrow.
….
“This message today is not about Mitt Romney,” he writes. “Romney is an unashamed and proud member of the Mormon cult founded by a murdering polygamist pedophile named Joseph Smith nearly 200 years ago. The teachings of the Mormon cult are doctrinally and theologically in complete opposition to the Absolute Truth of God’s Word. There is no common ground. If Mormonism is true, then the Christian faith is a complete lie. There has never been any question from the moment Smith’s cult began that it was a work of Satan and those who follow their false teachings will die and spend eternity in hell.”

Who could remain unconvinced by the waves of certainty coming off this man like so many flecks of spittle? And here’s his conclusion.

“Romney getting elected president will ultimately lead millions of souls to the eternal flames of hell!”

Eh. Cheney tried that one against Kerry in ’04.

I’m shocked to see this level of religious bigotry in this day and age. Why anyone would be so prejudiced against Satan is beyond me. Especially after all he’s done for the Republican Party.

It’s not true that a vote for Romney is a vote for Satan. Satan’s a Libertarian, for one thing. To help you compare, I present a handy info chart: Romney v. Satan.

  Romney
 Satan
Experience Governor of Massachusetts Prince of Darkness
Accomplishments Responsible for rescuing Salt Lake Olympics Responsible for existence of evil, human suffering, temptation, and international banking conspiracies
Ambitions Become US President Enslave the children of men, and lead the world into hell.
Same diff.
Physical description Nice hair. Nice horns.
Favourite book Battlefield Earth, by L. Ron Hubbard Battlefield Earth, by L. Ron Hubbard
Tough on terror? Maybe Yes; extensive experience in punishment and torture; perfect as a Republican nominee
Man of faith? Yes Yes

Who comes out ahead? I think it’s up in the air for now. In fact, I think the Republicans might be missing out on an opportunity for a great ticket:


They’d pick up some center-left votes, and they wouldn’t lose any of the evangelical conservatives, who’d vote for Satan over a Democrat anyway.

What harm is there in a false belief?

2 May 2007 / / Comments Off on What harm is there in a false belief?

A sad story from Thailand:

A crowd of thousands waiting to buy purportedly magical amulets erupted into a stampede that killed one woman and injured dozens Monday, police said.

More than 10,000 people had camped overnight outside a school to buy the Jatukam Ramathep amulets, which have gained a huge following in recent months for what are believed to be their magical qualities.

Guess the magical amulets weren’t so lucky after all.

But, hey, who are we to say it’s bunk? If they want to believe in it, it’s all good, because beliefs don’t have any consequences.

Right?

The Secret? Feh.

12 April 2007 / / 3 Comments

There’s not much convergence between Good Reason readers and Oprah followers, which I’m proud of. But both of you have probably heard of the latest feel-good karma-drenched new age horsecrap known as ‘The Secret‘.

It’s the publishing phenomenon of the year so far, a small book with a parchment-brown cover engraved with the image of a red wax seal.

“The Secret,” its title proclaims matter-of-factly, as if the slim volume held the answer to life’s deepest mysteries.
…
“Everything that’s coming into your life you are attracting into your life,” Byrne writes. “You are the most powerful magnet in the universe . . . so as you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you.”

Yep, just by sending out ‘energy’ in the form of ‘thoughts’, you attract things to you. This is why it’s vitally important not to think of things like torture, global warming, or chlamydia. By just thinking of torture, global warming, or chlamydia, you are attracting torture, global warming, and chlamydia to you. Thinking about those things is just asking for it. Do not think of torture, global warming, or chlamydia.

But if you want stuff, and you follow the book’s recipe of ask, believe, and receive, the universe will grant it to you. As long as you’re not keeping track very closely.

Why do I say that The Secret is horsecrap? Because it’s vastly inferior to the Magical Wishing Ferret.

Meeeeeeep…

He’s been doing the Prosperity Guru thing for years now. Look how prosperous and cute he is. And he wants to help you to get whatever you want. As opposed to those bastards behind ‘The Secret’, who just want to sell you crappy books and DVDs and trick you into thinking that their stupid Law of Attraction is getting you a job, and then blame you for not believing hard enough when it doesn’t work. Nope, the MWF is the real deal.

Just make a wish, and rub his tummy. For maximum effect, give me chocolate. (I’ve mentioned the chocolate part before, you cheap sods. Now get sending. So what if I don’t hand out my address? You’re just going to have to put some effort into it and find a way to deliver. Good stuff, please.) And as mentioned before, unlike other religions, it’s very important to not believe in the MWF. If anyone believes in him, it may not work.

The Magical Wishing Ferret is now soliciting testimonials, which (as we all know) is the only truly reliable kind of evidence you will ever need, as far as you know. If you’ve made a wish through the Magical Wishing Ferret, and then something happened which could possibly be construed as making your wish come true, please leave your testimony in comments.

People of faith

21 February 2007 / / 6 Comments

Part one:

A Pakistani minister and woman’s activist has been shot dead by an Islamic extremist for refusing to wear the veil.

Zilla Huma Usman, the minister for social welfare in Punjab province and an ally of President Pervez Musharraf, was killed as she was about to deliver a speech to dozens of party activists, by a “fanatic”, who believed that she was dressed inappropriately and that women should not be involved in politics, officials said.
…
The gunman, Mohammad Sarwar, was overpowered by the minister’s driver and arrested by police. A stone mason in his mid 40s, he is not thought to belong to any radical group but is known for his fanaticism. He was previously held in 2002 in connection with the killing and mutilation of four prostitutes, but was never convicted due to lack of evidence.

Mr Sarwar appeared relaxed and calm when he told a television channel that he had carried out God’s order to kill women who sinned. “I have no regrets. I just obeyed Allah’s commandment,” he said, adding that Islam did not allow women to hold positions of leadership. “I will kill all those women who do not follow the right path, if I am freed again,” he said.

Part two:

We need to have a person of faith lead the country.

Mitt Romney, 17 February 2007

Was there ever a man of more unshakable faith, of greater moral certainty than Mohammad Sarwar?

Prayer doesn’t work; no one notices.

28 January 2007 / / 3 Comments

Drought conditions persist in Australia, despite the prayers of many faithful Christians and the fasting of Latter-day Saints. Theologians are baffled as to the continuing refusal of God to assist, despite his omnipotence and allegedly benevolent nature. But the faithful have no shortage of reasons:

  1. God doesn’t have to prove anything to you, man! He created this planet!
  2. Well, often in scripture, things are meant to be understood spiritually and not physically. So God actually has alleviated our spiritual ‘drought’. With new convert baptisms. Heh.
  3. The important thing is not ending the drought. The important thing is to build faith in God. Which we can best accomplish by faith-promoting tests that don’t work.
  4. But he has ended the drought! It’s over! Can’t you see the rain falling? Come on, kids! Let’s put on our raincoats and splash in the puddles! Ha ha ha! Whoopee!
  5. I think some rain did fall in the mining regions. That should count.
  6. What are you talking about? No such fast was ever announced. Now let us never speak of this again.
  7. The rain will come in the Lord’s own time. We just need to be patient. The farmers won’t even need it until it’s time to plant. I’m sure the big guy will come through then.
  8. Isn’t God great? God’s so awesome! La la la! I can’t hear you!
  9. I think there was a fast a while ago, but the whole thing has entirely slipped my mind, and no one at church has ever mentioned it again.
  10. The Lord is testing our faith. Or Satan is tempting us. I’m not sure which — it’s awfully hard to tell the difference.
  11. Gee, I guess prayer doesn’t work. OW — crippling paradigm shift! Oh, the pain! That I could unsay those words! Aaargh… excruciating…

The earth… no, wait… the… uh…

22 January 2007 / / 2 Comments

This is old, but it absolutely floored me when I found it today.

Every couple of years, the National Science Foundation puts out data from surveys about science and technology. And every once in a while, they ask this innocuous question:

Does the Earth go around the Sun, or does the Sun go around the Earth?

Think carefully.

Now in 2004, what percentage of Americans got it right? Take a guess, and then highlight the blank space underneath to see if you were close.

Only 71% got it right.

And other countries are even worse, except on the evolution question, where the US is among the worst. Here’s a messy text file with more results, and here’s an Excel file if you’re keen.

What are we to make of this in this day and age? That the difficulty of eradicating ignorance increases asymptotically?

Predictions for 2007

1 January 2007 / / Comments Off on Predictions for 2007

It seems Americans are optimistic about what’s to come in 2007, according to the latest Associated Press-AOL News Poll.

Oh, wait, no, they’re not.

That was quick! Either public opinion is more volatile than I thought, or the AP is covering its bases. Or it’s really true about glass-half-full and glass-half-empty people.

And now a quiz: What event did 25 percent of Americans think was likely to happen in the year 2007?
a) Gerald Ford will rise from the dead and form a synthesiser duo with James Brown
b) Donuts will rain from the sky, deliciously killing onlookers
c) Jesus Christ will return to earth
d) George Bush will admit he did something wrong

Oh, you guessed it. It was c).

None of these notions, in my view, is any less likely to happen than the others (except for d). Yet, all but c) would probably poll at less than one percent (counting perverse answers and Perot voters), while c) is believed by 25% of respondents. Think about that. Get four Americans in a room, and one of them thinks that Jesus is coming out of the sky this year.

Silly people! Everyone knows Jesus is coming back in the year 2437. It’ll take at least that long for the Apple sponsorship deal to come through.

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