Nobody asked:
Dear Daniel: In other churches, people go to church on Christmas. There’s a Christmas Eve service at midnight, another in the morning, and maybe even again that night! It’s all they do! But Mormons seem to do it differently. They don’t go to church at all on Christmas if it’s not on a Sunday, and if it is, they actually reduce the length of the meetings. Why do Latter-day Saints do it this way?
Dear Nobody:
It’s because Mormons secretly loathe and detest their church meetings, and look for any way to avoid them if they have anything better to do. And who can blame them? Between the well-meaning but excruciating ward choir numbers, amateurish talks, infantile lesson manuals, and other people’s screechy children, many Mormons are under the (probably correct) impression that their meetings are the worst part of being in the church.
The Mormon method of worship has a lot to do with this. At their meetings, Mormons try to ‘feel the Spirit’. This essentially involves boring themselves into a quasi-meditative state in which any sensation they feel is assumed to be the Holy Ghost. No wonder they gratefully escape when there’s an opportunity to do something fun with family.
As for other churches, they ramp up their Christmas services because they secretly loathe and detest themselves.
27 December 2011 at 7:27 pm
A Mormon will never complain about a short meeting, even Stake or General Conference. Think of which is more likely to be said, if GC was short by 15 minutes because the Prophet didn't have much to say:
(1) "It's too bad that the Prophet, even Thomas Monson, couldn't have spoken longer. I so dearly love listening to his inspired words."
(2) "Hey! It's over early! Lucky us!"
I know. I was a ward chorister for a long time, and I would look out over the congregation and realize that it wasn't just me—almost nobody looked like they wanted to be there.
Point this out, and a Mormon will say, "We aren't here to entertain you." But there's a lot of things in life that aren't entertaining but will hold your interest—an important college class, for example. I believe that Mormons have become convinced, over the generations, that religion isn't interesting, and it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also in my opinion, Mormons (by and large) do not attend church because they love God. They attend church out of a sense of duty.
27 December 2011 at 9:25 pm
+1 on the duty. But that might say more about me. I was dutiful.
I suppose it's possible that there are some people who just dig on the whole church experience. I can't imagine why. But I think it's more likely that such a person would just be saying they love it, out of (again) duty.
31 December 2011 at 12:51 am
or fear .. . . . don't forget fear!!! What if I don't say I love going to church and I am supposed to love church?!?!?! Maybe I am just not getting it and everyone else is . . . AHHHHHH! I'm not worthy!!!!
Ah yes – fear was my mormon motivator!!!!
12 January 2012 at 2:13 pm
Just before I woke up from the Mormon trance I remember being at General Conference and really enjoying the 2 hours of darkness, monotony and peace. The kids were old enough to pretty much look after themselves and I just referred them to their dad if they needed something. I sat there finger-knitting for 2 hours and blissing out on the drawl. It was stress release for me. These days I go to a yoga class or something like that instead.
19 January 2012 at 10:50 pm
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