Nice to see this article about a successful co-parenting situation.
SEAN BROGAN is ”enormously proud” of what he and his ex-wife, Ayela Thilo, have achieved for their family.
Divorced for nine years, they share custody of their three children, Arielle, 17, Sienna, 13, and Oliver, 11, in a ”week on week off” arrangement.
Mr Brogan agreed with the findings of the Shared Care Parenting Arrangements study that shared custody is positive for both parental satisfaction and children’s wellbeing.
”In a funny kind of way it has given the kids a sense of stability,” he said. ”They know where they’ll be at any given time, if they’ve got something coming up they see whether they’ll be with mum or dad and talk to that person about it.”
The arrangement has also improved his relationship with Ms Thilo by increasing co-operation and joint decision-making.
”We were determined to make it work for the children,” he said. ”It has certainly healed any rift we might have had. We talk regularly, we talk about school things. Another upside is that it allows the non-custodial parent time out in their week off and time to do all the things they want to pursue.”
It’s in the news because of a recent report evaluating shared care arrangements since 2006 (PDF). At that time, a new emphasis was placed on shared parenting arrangements, rather than custody.
Among the findings of the study:
This research confirms that children‘s wellbeing is optimised under certain circumstances:
- Parents are able to cooperate about the arrangements for the children
- Parents have a say in making decisions about the child
- There is relatively little conflict between the parents
- Parents believe that each parent is paying their fair share of the costs associated with raising children.
…
Overall, this research paints a relatively positive picture of shared care in terms both of parental satisfaction and children‘s wellbeing. However, it remains only a relatively small minority of parents who can share the care of the children and fewer still manage to sustain it for a substantial period of time.
I’m firmly of the opinion that a good divorce between people who are genuinely concerned about their kids and who are determined to share the parenting is far less damaging for kids than an intractable, conflict-filled marriage. I may be one of the lucky ones, but this kind of arrangement has worked well for me and my boys, who are so far thriving under the care of both their loving parents.
It’s a big ask. It requires parents to work together at a time when their will to do so may be at its weakest. But perhaps knowing that this setup is good for children would help parents to muster the ability to make shared parenting work when staying married doesn’t.
6 September 2010 at 2:20 am
It's nice, but not as nice as staying together.
6 September 2010 at 2:48 pm
pooh, FM.
kids would much rather come from a 'broken home', than live in one.
Some situations are just dealbreakers and tolerating them teaches your children poor self-respect.
7 September 2010 at 6:53 am
FM – what a way to totally dismiss the realities of others. I'm sure anyone who has ever been in love would wish for that love to continue forever but that's not always the way things work out. Are you saying that you would stay in an abusive relationship? or are you just being horribly cruel to people who have made the brave step to move on? Your comment misses the point of the post entirely.
10 September 2010 at 1:30 am
I have seen this "week on week off" work very well.
Better too if parents stay in the same area.
Beats the lopsided existence of one (usually mother) having kids most of the time with every second weekend (usually father) to the other.
A weekender-only parent is starved of school interaction and ordinary day to day input.
28 August 2013 at 10:13 am
I have been on a week on week off co parenting schedule since my daughter was 9 months old she is now four. My ex wife is not throwing me in jail every other month now but she has certainly used the time to accuse me of horrible acts of abuse. She can do this now because I have considerable amount of time alone with my daughter. I am fairly intelligent and saw this coming so now my life is video taped spent in public as much as possible and inviting friends and family over for dinner nearly every night. For me other has proven both difficult and liberating. I am an introvert and social anxiety. Having my daughter home allows me to be involved in things I would not normally be a part of. The 50/50parenting schedule is awesome if you live close enough and are friendly to each other. It can be tough on dads especially with little girls and the accusations that can be thrown of you are not careful to document and be highly visible to the world.