Romney v Satan: How do they stack up?

Did you know that a vote for Mitt Romney is a vote for Satan? So says prominent Christian pastor Bill Keller.

“If you vote for Mitt Romney, you are voting for Satan!” he writes in his daily devotional to be sent out to 2.4 million e-mail subscribers tomorrow.
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“This message today is not about Mitt Romney,” he writes. “Romney is an unashamed and proud member of the Mormon cult founded by a murdering polygamist pedophile named Joseph Smith nearly 200 years ago. The teachings of the Mormon cult are doctrinally and theologically in complete opposition to the Absolute Truth of God’s Word. There is no common ground. If Mormonism is true, then the Christian faith is a complete lie. There has never been any question from the moment Smith’s cult began that it was a work of Satan and those who follow their false teachings will die and spend eternity in hell.”

Who could remain unconvinced by the waves of certainty coming off this man like so many flecks of spittle? And here’s his conclusion.

“Romney getting elected president will ultimately lead millions of souls to the eternal flames of hell!”

Eh. Cheney tried that one against Kerry in ’04.

I’m shocked to see this level of religious bigotry in this day and age. Why anyone would be so prejudiced against Satan is beyond me. Especially after all he’s done for the Republican Party.

It’s not true that a vote for Romney is a vote for Satan. Satan’s a Libertarian, for one thing. To help you compare, I present a handy info chart: Romney v. Satan.

	Romney	Satan
Experience	Governor of Massachusetts	Prince of Darkness
Accomplishments	Responsible for rescuing Salt Lake Olympics	Responsible for existence of evil, human suffering, temptation, and international banking conspiracies
Ambitions	Become US President	Enslave the children of men, and lead the world into hell. Same diff.
Physical description	Nice hair.	Nice horns.
Favourite book	Battlefield Earth, by L. Ron Hubbard	Battlefield Earth, by L. Ron Hubbard
Tough on terror?	Maybe	Yes; extensive experience in punishment and torture; perfect as a Republican nominee
Man of faith?	Yes	Yes

Who comes out ahead? I think it’s up in the air for now. In fact, I think the Republicans might be missing out on an opportunity for a great ticket:

They’d pick up some center-left votes, and they wouldn’t lose any of the evangelical conservatives, who’d vote for Satan over a Democrat anyway.