There’s not much convergence between Good Reason readers and Oprah followers, which I’m proud of. But both of you have probably heard of the latest feel-good karma-drenched new age horsecrap known as ‘The Secret‘.
It’s the publishing phenomenon of the year so far, a small book with a parchment-brown cover engraved with the image of a red wax seal.
“The Secret,” its title proclaims matter-of-factly, as if the slim volume held the answer to life’s deepest mysteries.
…
“Everything that’s coming into your life you are attracting into your life,” Byrne writes. “You are the most powerful magnet in the universe . . . so as you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you.”
Yep, just by sending out ‘energy’ in the form of ‘thoughts’, you attract things to you. This is why it’s vitally important not to think of things like torture, global warming, or chlamydia. By just thinking of torture, global warming, or chlamydia, you are attracting torture, global warming, and chlamydia to you. Thinking about those things is just asking for it. Do not think of torture, global warming, or chlamydia.
But if you want stuff, and you follow the book’s recipe of ask, believe, and receive, the universe will grant it to you. As long as you’re not keeping track very closely.
Why do I say that The Secret is horsecrap? Because it’s vastly inferior to the Magical Wishing Ferret.
Meeeeeeep…
He’s been doing the Prosperity Guru thing for years now. Look how prosperous and cute he is. And he wants to help you to get whatever you want. As opposed to those bastards behind ‘The Secret’, who just want to sell you crappy books and DVDs and trick you into thinking that their stupid Law of Attraction is getting you a job, and then blame you for not believing hard enough when it doesn’t work. Nope, the MWF is the real deal.
Just make a wish, and rub his tummy. For maximum effect, give me chocolate. (I’ve mentioned the chocolate part before, you cheap sods. Now get sending. So what if I don’t hand out my address? You’re just going to have to put some effort into it and find a way to deliver. Good stuff, please.) And as mentioned before, unlike other religions, it’s very important to not believe in the MWF. If anyone believes in him, it may not work.
The Magical Wishing Ferret is now soliciting testimonials, which (as we all know) is the only truly reliable kind of evidence you will ever need, as far as you know. If you’ve made a wish through the Magical Wishing Ferret, and then something happened which could possibly be construed as making your wish come true, please leave your testimony in comments.
15 April 2007 at 6:54 am
How is it people haven’t bitten on the M.W.Ferret bandwagon (to mangle a metaphore with a pun)
Well I certainly will stand before you all today and testify my disbelief in MWF and give you my personal experiance that has brought me to a greater understanding of everything that the MWF has NOT had a hand in bringing to me.
One night I prayed the the MWF and I asked “Oh, worthless and unknowing Ferret, in all your powerlessness please DO NOT grant me my wish.”
I never could figure out how that one turned out???
13 October 2008 at 1:13 pm
I wish to testify that I do not believe in the Magical Wishing Ferret, may his name be invoked in fervent disbelief.
And because I do not believe in Him, he has blessed me with an abundance of the evidences of his profoundly generous nature.
I have been granted arthritis, one small haemorrhoid and a winning lottery ticket, the prize for which was a ceramic cat.
Nevertheless, and in spite of lacking evidence that would indicate the lack of any forces so much as gently molesting the base rate statistical probabilities of the life I lead, I will continue to disbelieve in the MWF.
Amen.
14 October 2008 at 2:25 am
I had a warm feeling when you said that.
Some people may claim that’s just a coincidence, a result of me wetting my pants at the exact same time.
Excuse me a moment.