The Chariot by The Cat Empire
Album: The Cat Empire
iTunes has been picking lots of the Cats lately. This is actually one of my favourite songs from them. Maybe it’s because they subvert war by waging it on their own terms — with music. And extended metaphor. For example, they don’t use bombs. Instead, they have sexy women that explode them with their looks. Wait a minute, that didn’t make any sense. But who cares? The chorus is great. File this under latin-ska-dub.

Romeo (Original Mix) by Basement Jaxx
Album: Ministry of Sound: The 2002 Annual
I really hate Basement Jaxx. No, wait, I hate the Chemical Brothers. Or is it Daft Punk? I don’t know. How I concentrate with all this stupid crap playing? It’s my own fault for adding this CD into the collection. Instead I should have not. The moral here is: If you’re looking at borrowing a CD from the library, and you’re wondering whether to borrow it, just think: do I want this coming up at random on shuffle year after year? But I shall make amends. I shall uncheck the little box, and then see if they still have this CD at the library and then steal it and not give it back so as to avoid infecting others.

A Hard Day’s Night by The Beatles
Album: 1962-1966
When I was a kid, my parents had this album. It was called “Let Us Entertain You” and I think it might have come with the enormous cabinet-sized Magnavox phonograph they had. So I would listen to Broadway hits from this record. One of the songs was an orchestral reworking of the Beatles’ “A Hard Day’s Night” by someone named Marty Gold. So now when I hear the real version, I think there’s something wrong. The real version didn’t have words! The moral is: don’t let your children listen to crappy records that they give away with stereos. Except that it did have Mancini’s “Pink Panther Theme” so I don’t know. Giving a young boy a record full of show tunes just seems to be asking for trouble.

Can’t Get Used to Losing You by The English Beat
Album: I Just Can’t Stop It
This is the best English Beat album. And here’s a chirpy cover of “Can’t Get Used to Losing You”, a song about a pathetic break-up. But it’s fun to sing “Can’t Get Loose to Using You”, which my friend Curtis and I did once accidentally, and we thought it was so funny that we just kept singing it that way, and then we couldn’t go back and sing it the right way. And in fact even now if I ever try to sing this, I have to think. So the moral is: singing perverted parodies can bite you in the ass.

Don’t Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder) by The Beach Boys
Album: Pet Sounds
Whenever I listen to “Pet Sounds”, I always think two things: 1) Damn, Brian Wilson is a musical genius. And 2) I cannot believe how unbearably creepy these lyrics are. What kind of emotionally disturbed co-dependent would write about relationships in this way? And then I remember: Brian Wilson. But listen to this song! The string arrangements, predating Sgt. Pepper! The timpani! And the key change in the third bit of the chorus. I couldn’t write that. It is so incredibly moving. On to the lyrics, which this time are not disturbing at all. Instead he says, “Don’t talk. Put your head on my shoulder. Close your eyes and be still, and listen to my heartbeat.” Maybe it’s avoidance, or maybe it’s an attempt to make time stand still, and make the words stop. Please don’t say anything. Just enjoy this moment of silent closeness, the only sound a heartbeat. Listen to the sound of being alive. Shh.

Seems a shame to break the silence, but there’s a bonus sixth.
In the Waiting Line by Zero 7
Album: Simple Things
I first heard this song in the movie Garden State during the party scene. It was the first time I’d heard of Zero 7 (sometimes called the “British Air”, which seems unfair). Since I had the laptop (it was a laptop kind of movie), I found out who did the song, and downloaded it by the time the credits came out. I’ve since bought the album, and played this song a hundred times. Love it. So smooth. And it poses an intriguing question: Do you believe in what you see?