I’m going to start a new tradition for Good Reason readers. As I find the topic for next week’s ‘Talk the Talk’, I’ll post it here, and you can listen for it later on the RTRFM page, if you want to. You’ll probably know something I don’t about this or that topic, so comment away.
For next week, I’m curious about ‘cougars’. Sex & The City star Kim Cattrall just turned down a magazine cover because she would have been asked to pose with a real live cougar.
The actress insists she had nothing against the big cat but doesn’t like the term ‘cougar’ when it’s used to describe an older woman who likes dating much younger men.
She tells U.S. news show Extra, “I was asked recently by a significant magazine for women over 40 to pose with a cougar and I refused to do it because I felt it was insulting and they took away the cover.
“I think that ‘cougar’ has a negative connotation and I don’t see anything negative about… sexuality.”
Do you think ‘cougar’ has a negative connotation? When I hear it, I think ‘aggressively sexy’, two appealing qualities to my view. But I’m not the one being referred to. Anyone else care to comment?
I’ll also be talking about other animal names used to describe people’s sexual categories. If you’re over 40, you’ll remember the days when an attractive girl was a ‘fox’. And we all know about ‘bears‘ — big furry gay guys — but what do you call slightly smaller furry gay guys? Otters, apparently. What other animal terms am I missing?
You can like ‘Talk the Talk’ on Facebook, you know. Just hit the fan page.
21 May 2010 at 3:59 pm
When I hear "cougar," I think "dangerous and predatory." A 20-year-old interested in dating a 20-year-old is never going to be described as a cougar. A 40-year-old interested in dating a 20-year-old is a cougar, and she is trying to "trap" or "ensnare" them, not just start a romance.
21 May 2010 at 4:47 pm
It's ok for men to spread their seed. But women are supposed to be chaste. Didn't you get the memo?
21 May 2010 at 4:50 pm
To the linguist: you must know what feminist theory on language
usage says about this type of thing… Tisk tisk…
21 May 2010 at 7:09 pm
I don't mind the word. It calls to mind a sexy, dangerous woman. I do mind that most of the time it is used to ridicule an older woman who is perceived to be wearing clothes that are too sexy or in a place like a nightclub where it's only ok for young people to be. Particularly when it is used by arrogant young men who assume that the woman must be doing these things for their benefit.
21 May 2010 at 10:47 pm
I think what NFQ said is interested…I don't know what I think about the connotations of the word cougar…I don't necessarily think "dangerous and predatory."
What I find interested is how there doesn't seem all that backlash against the reverse phenomenon (which, I must admit, doesn't fit the animal theme.) "MILF". I guess when guys want the older women, then you get a term that's viewed positively (I suppose..?), but when women want to go for younger guys, then they are "dangerous and predatory"
22 May 2010 at 2:35 pm
Maybe Kim is just a bit sensitive about her own activities. Just speculation on my part… I've always thought Kim was a "fox", however.
So then what are men who like to date younger women called? Probably not as nice as "cougar."
26 May 2010 at 8:31 pm
I recently had a brief affair with a much younger man (I'm 53 he is 39). He made the running and I was reluctant but then decided 'what the heck?'. In many ways the best relationship I've ever had but unfortunately he hasn't got children and realised that he might want them and so I had to end it because I couldn't have made him choose between me and possible fatherhood (it's not an issue that can be resolved within a relationship) Anyway, I haven't seen the programme, but when I told a couple of friends they immediately went 'ooh so you're a cougar!' which I found rather offensive because the age gap was actually irrelevant in all ways (apart from the kids issue which is a bit different).
In fact on a dating site I occasionally use, I am frequently chatted up by much younger men so the predatory female aspect is probably overdone.